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May 01st 1984

Quick Movie Reviews XIII

Mood:I'LL SHOW YOU MY MOOD YOU &"\%&/()@="$!\="&!=(%(!@
Added:August 04th 2008, 00:00:01
Series:[ Quick Movie Reviews ]
Rating:Not rated yet.

HELLO. Certainly you're as happy to see me as I am happy to see you. Which is BELOW AVERAGE. Yes, it is me again. Some call me dragon (the rest die painfully).

Anyway, this time around I wasn't given a list to help me write a quick review, instead I just got a list of movie titles. And a little note attached that says: "I've got your wife. Review the movies yourself, you lazy bass-tard, or else your wife will DIE!"

And let me tell you, when my wife dies, she's gonna kill me.

So here I am! Let's make this real quick, shall we?

Walking Tall, a guy played by The Rock (HA! THE ROCK! GET IT? ROCK! AS IN ROCK AND ROLL! HAHAHA!) returns from war only to see his town being squeezed out of money by a new casino. Bam, boom, bummmm, he saves the day, the end. Oh yeah, SPOILER WARNING.

Idiocracy. An average person and a prostitute take part in an experiment, get frozen up until they wake up in the future, where everybody's IQ is even BELOW AVERAGE (I sense an echo in this article), and they have trouble being the two most intelligent persons on the planet. A truly magnificent satire. Only I could write better ones. HA! Watch this movie or die in agony.

Elizabethtown is about Orlando Bloom losing his father and being the one responsible for the downfall of the company he works for. Etcetera, etcetera. STOP MAKING FACES, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME HERE.

After skipping most of Bliblethtownwhatever I watched School for Scoundrels, which is about losers getting their ass kicked by a, uh, "hidden" school, which tries to make men out of wimps. Entertaining, actually.

City of Angels is ...


Futurama - Bender's Big Score is about RANDOMNESS. Seriously. If you like Monthy Python stuff, Futurama is for you. Fry has got a tattoo on his right butt cheek, which holds the code for time travel. Enough random?

In Hitch, Will Smith helps people mate each other. DATE. I said, DATE. Anyway. Next.

Shoot Em Up comes right after Futurama. I mean, it's not as random. But a guy killing people with carrots? Yeah, I knew you'd like that. Definitely take a look.

Then there's Planet Terror and Death Proof, both part of the Grindhouse project of Tarantino and Rodriguez. I've been constantly laughing my head off. Planet Terror is a delicate Zombie-flick, while Death Proof is more of a "listen to girls talk trash and see them get killed in a gory fashion". Which is quite recommendable in my book. Uh, yeah. If I had a book.

Talladega Nights is another movie starring Will Ferrell as a NASCAR driver, who's constantly trying to be the best, and once his number one spot is challenged, so is his whole life. Those looking for another Stranger Than Fiction or Blades Of Glory might be quite disappointed. And even for the rest it might be a tad bit boring. But... there were some funny parts. I guess.

I need a break... I'll get something to drink.


Alright, I'm back.

If you like westerns and don't throw up in your mouth whenever Brad Pitt enters the screen, consider watching The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Seriously, the title is rather descriptive (it's half of the script), but suffice to say: I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Another Will Ferrell movie: Anchorman, in which we see Will as news reporter blablablablabla. Bla.

This movie list is definitely screwed up ...

Disney's back! Or was. With Enchanted Disney actually (and finally) make fun of their own cliches (the naive prince and princess, singing people, etcetera) bringing drawn characters into the real world (as live actors), however that fun turned into another one of their stereotypes, which kind of left a bitter taste in my eyes after watching. Okay, I don't have any eyes. You got me. Yeah, I watch movies with my ASS.


Smoke is about a small shop and its people and their little stories. This movies was actually really awesome, with stunning actors. WATCH IT.

Sadly, Bee Movie shouldn't have toyed with the B-Movie term. Making an animated movie about bees could have been fun, but... IT ISN'T.

Remember Nightmare Before Christmas? Sweeney Todd is another one of Tim Burton's musical thingies. It's dark, dark-humoured, full of gore and - surprise - there's lots of Johnny Depp. The movie's alright, I guess. The songs could've been a bit better though. NO, I AIN'T TELLING YOU NOTHING ABOUT THE STORY. CAUSE, LIKE, YOU KNOW.


Man, almost through. Sheesh. Let's speed this up even more.

Hitman, based on EIDOS game, it's about a - gasp - HITMAN! Entertains, but fails to impress.

Zeitgeist, documentary about the current state of our society, our religions, and economy. It's free to download, too! RECOMMENDED.

Jumper has people jumping around everywhere, from USA to Paris to Egypt (kinda like beaming, you know), and Samuel L. Jackson making a hunt for those beaming kids. ZOOM!

Juno is about a girl and her first love and her first sex and about being too young to have children and still getting pregnant and yeah.

Finally! This list was WAY TOO LONG, man. I'm outta here.

Edited by muddasheep on August 4th 2008... Again.

August 05th 2008, 10:00:24
Yeah the new Futurama is a bliss, be prepared for more laughter on the new one, called "A Beast with a million backs".

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