Personal Halfquake - Personal Text

Words of Ignorance

Introduction
My texts (35)
My series (3)

PHQ-Nickname:
TheNameless

Halfquake:
Doomsday Device Dealer

Level:
81

Total kills:
43,739,512

Birthday:
June 02nd 1988

Burn your diary!

Mood:	depressive
Type:	Diary entry
Added:	September 12th 2009, 01:06:34
Visits:	2037
Series:	[ Gorging my Thoughts ]
Rating:	5/5 (Votes: 3)

When you think about what happened recently, on the most recent day, you may want to write it down so you don't forget it. A diary. And noone is really supposed to read it. Except for yourself, later, years ahead of time. But you know what you wrote, no immediate need to read it again, you'll continue and continue to write, then you miss a day, miss another one, write another one and miss one and soon you'll have forgotten all about it. Then after a few years it will be lost when you move to another place or it burns away in a fire or the paper falls apart.
So you wrote it for nothing. Nobody read it. Why did you write it down? Maybe you thought that someone will read it when you're dead, far in the future and learn about life 'back then' . So you would have written it not wanting anyone to read it, but hoping that someone will read it someday.

So is it likely to be read by someone? Moderately... Is it likely that this person really understands and or cares about it? Not really. The problems you wrote about are your personal problems, other people have their own.
So maybe you wrote it for yourself. For putting your thoughts into order. For later reviewing how you thought and what events originated from this way of thinking. So you can learn from it. Will it help you? Will you learn from it later? I can only tell you the answers to those two questions according to myself: No and most likely not. And I think this would be true for most people.

Hold the past tight. Grab it with all your energy. Write it down in a diary, take pictures of your holidays, film the wedding of your cousin, record your thoughts on a voice recorder, save your files and backup them twice on external hard drives. Preserve the past. Preserve the past. Preserve the past.
This kills the fear of losing it. The fear, that the things that once mattered lose meaning. The fear, that your impact on the world will perish.
The fear that when you die, nothing will be left.

I tell you what, when you look back at the stuff you preserved and destroy it in one blink of an eye... you'll be relieved. The weight of old thoughts will be gone.

When the present ceases to be just an old shadow of the past, it starts to matter on its own. Independently.
So stop living your old life. And live today, not yesterday.

The memories of living are wothless when you die.
Living mattered on it's own and dieing will, too.

So why am I preserving my thoughts in a long text like this? Do I expect anyone to read or care about it? I guess not... does it even matter? Not really.
All one can try is to live for the moment.
So following my own advice, I shouldn't keep track of what happens to this diary entry in the future, I shouldn't care if I see it ever again.
Because in the future this will be a text of the past that is no more...
and never will be again...

muddasheep
September 12th 2009, 13:06:32

I'm writing diary entries exactly for the following reasons that you also stated: To put my thoughts into order, or to cope with something. If something bad happened it's extremely helpful to put it in words for myself. It helps me to put myself back on track, so to speak. And if something wonderful happened I can write it down and preserve a few bits of the feeling to be experienced again at a later time.
Also, a project diary is very useful for brainstorming, and for putting down notes when you discover something interesting, so that when you read it later, an idea or a solution will be put back into your mind again (in case it was forgotten).

The human brain has too many holes, I don't trust it, that's why I'll continue writing all sorts of diary entries. Will it be read by someone else in the future? I don't know. And by the time I'm dead, I probably won't care anymore. But in the meantime, I enjoy having a memory that I can rely on.

Plus, as a side effect of writing these entries, I keep exercising my English writing skills!

Szaladin
September 12th 2009, 18:16:36

Writing diary entries has a lot of useful effects indeed, if you ask me.
Diary entries can be written using any style, language or for any reason - or rather, any reason that motivates one to write.
Or they can be just plain, dry texts, without a second wasted for stylistic thoughts or anything.
Even the way to put your thoughts into a diary has endless possibilities.

For myself, I've used a little book once, before that I wrote blog entries - I often deleted the whole blog and created another structure.
It was even discovered by one of my schoolmates and she was talking with me about - my usage of the English language. (referring to the last sentence of MS's comment)

It's just that freedom while writing diary entries that lifts the "pressure" of doing something creative. I could even make an diary out of alphabet-noodles glued on paper if it'd mean something to me.

If I'll look at the entries or not, that depends on the diary and the entry. It's not a loss, but seeing my thoughts that troubled me or just interested me is often a cool thing.
I am not the type to write down every thing I can recall at the end of the day, but things that I put down to words or images always have a special meaning (being important or seeming important enough to be written).

Funnycreature
September 12th 2009, 20:24:52

I am agree with TheNameless. People who own those diarys often can't motivate why do they do it, but I'm sure that motivations are stupid hopes and/or fears.
I've tried to start a diary for 2 times, and it was pretty boring so I've finished 'em after 5-7 days.

TheNameless
September 12th 2009, 20:50:11

@Muddasheep and Szaladin:
I see your points and I actually agree with them.
I must also admit that writing down this text has indeed helped me putting my thoughts on the subject into order and it helped praticing english aswell. So I guess I've proven myself wrong there

. It is a bit ironic...

Writing controversial stuff is fun

But my main point still holds, I think. I noticed that some people seem to overrate their memories and the 'good old times' so much that they fail to see the good things in the present or even the good things still to come in case they'd do something for it. So if you cry about the lost past and it is holding you back, then burn your f****** diary so you can arrange your mind to cope with the present situation and maybe even make it better.

muddasheep
September 12th 2009, 21:33:10

I agree, if I read my diaries every day, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the present.

The movie Kung Fu Panda has a good quote about that actually!

Oogway once said:
You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."

Syndel
September 13th 2009, 16:46:10

I agree entirely with TheNameless. I'm often so afriad of messing things up from my past or just losing it that I can't move on in the present. The further I get in a project the more I don't want to mess up how it started and the starting pieces. I never want to reformat because I'm scared of losing something which in reality means absolutely nothing. We're scared of the clensing fire, we're scared of becoming something new. We're scared of the rebirth.

January 31st 2014, 20:15:49

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Total Personal Pages: 225 - Total series: 116 - Total texts: 874