PHQ-Nickname:
Syndel
Halfquake:
Mania
Level:
74
Total kills:
19,884,443
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| Mood: | depressive |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | September 14th 2009, 23:23:52 |
| Visits: | 1391 |
| Rating: | 5/5 (Votes: 2) |
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Talking to these empty walls.
So here I find myself once again, talking to empty walls and wondering what they'd say if they were people. I thought about telling them what I wanted, shouting it on the walls like it was all that ever really mattered in life, and that to get that one thing, to reach that one pivotal point of understanding, to be all that I ever wanted to be... but then I realized.
I realized I don't know what that point is. I don't know where to get satisfaction. Every move I make leaves me cold and isolated. Every person I've met slowly drifting away. Every soul turning to stone in front of my very eyes and I can't help but just look at it and talk at it, never expecting a response and never receiving one.
So one day I decided to go, stand up and leave those walls, leave them far behind and find new rooms, new faces and new more interesting souls which respond in curious probe and ripple. The walls speak to me as a stranger. These are not the walls I am looking for, but I am compelled to respond. The walls speak to me, ask me questions, I answer. They respond in spikes and knives, hostility emanating from their faces. They scream their condescension as I scream back my rebellion until they are no more, torn down or gone screaming into the void, or perhaps it is I who is running.
The paradox of the room, there are infinite walls, there are infinite rooms, stretching through infinity. Walls, endless walls, faces of all colors, shapes, sizes, features. Some laugh, some cry, moving as I do, through the hallways and corridors. Maybe, maybe they're searching to, for some face which smiles at them, some wall which turns spikes and hatred into warm arms, and gentle fingers. A wall which, when all the pain of the room becomes too much, will hold you, and for a time you will become the wall. Sturdy, unmoving, strong against even the heaviest weight on top of you. Maybe all these souls... if just one could find that wall which looked at them...
...The same way I look at all of you...
...And if you search these infinite halls for infinity, searching for that special wall, regretting every step and every encounter, not giving up, I'll hope to be there, standing firm, standing tall, sturdy and strong.
You'll find me between the earth and stars,
Past neon lights and gritty cars,
Over dusty streets lit by unearthly fire,
To the endless waters, a ghostly sapphire,
I'll show you the weight of my world. |
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