PHQ-Nickname:
acetken
Halfquake:
Tektonic
Level:
1
Total kills:
0
Birthday:
February 17th 1982
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| 5 Reasons Old People Suck |
| Mood: | weird |
| Type: | Article |
| Added: | July 25th 2003, 10:53:53 |
| Visits: | 1388 |
| Series: | [ Articles from my website ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
A none-too professional article. |
Why do old people suck as much as they do? Well, I'll tell you, even though you already probably know. Unless you're old. In this case, you've probably forgotten.
5. That Old Person Smell: What the hell is that!? Old people ball sweat? Rotting cabbage? Leftovers from a buffet they tucked into their pockets trying to save 50 cents? I don't know, but it scares the hell out of me. If I start smelling like that one day, I think I'll just shit myself and improve the aroma. Why are all old men attracted to Old Spice? Are they comforted by the word old? Seriously, walk up to an old dude that's "all dressed up." (That means he hasn't pissed himself in the last 45 minutes) Smell him and I'll bet you 9 times out of 10 he's wearing Old Spice. The only reason I could come up with is that it's cheaper than water. Damn penny pinching bastards...
4. The Evil Geezer Attitude: Why is it that when you hit a certain age you get a license to be a dickhead? If something happens near an old person and you're under 35, it's your fault. You can have a perfectly reasonable explanation and everything, but no. Your fault and you worship the devil. They think "those damn kids" are out to ruin everything. Especially their lawns. Nothing may touch an old person's lawn under penalty of getting the "DAMN KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!" and the mandatory Geezer Death Gaze (TM).
3. Dumbass Stories: Why do they think anybody would want to hear a 2 hour speech about 15 cent loaves of bread? WAKE UP, GRANDMA! Nobody gives a rat's ass! If you've got a cool war story about jumping grenades and why they call you lumpy, then great, tell away, but why would you think anyone would want to hear about your goiter? That's just nasty...
2. Old People Discounts: "Congratulations! You're not dead! Have 65% off all the food you can gum!" Why not give us discounts when we need it and can appreciate it more, when we're young? I'll tell you. Cause we WOULD use it. Lots. Can't have companies doing something useful, now can we? No, they give it to people that haven't purchased new clothes since 1975 to try and save a dime.
1. Old Fucking Drivers: You may hate them with a passion, but I assure you, people who drive for a living like me hate them worse. I think after age 65 there should be a mandatory drivers test every 2 years. You go 30 kph in a 50 zone or leave your signal on for longer than 10 seconds, you fail. You miss a stop sign? Fail. You give people dirty looks for going more than 10 on the highway? You die. An automatic fail for people with 5 or more prescriptions. Why the hell do they get lower insurance rates?! They cause more accidents than teenagers do! Then after they hit something they don't even notice they did it and go on their merry little way. I've seen it three times! Once it was my fucking car they hit!
They demand respect, but refuse to give any. Fuck 'em. Well, 90% of them anyway. Unless they can bake, are cool, or spend fat loads of cash, send them to Florida. They seem to like them there. I personally guarantee our economy'd pick up. |
Syndel
March 20th 2004, 11:04:29
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| i have been stuck behind old age drivers and it is really annoying because half the time they are swaying to much after the gin and tonic to let you pass |
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Syndel
