PHQ-Nickname:
acetken
Halfquake:
Tektonic
Level:
1
Total kills:
0
Birthday:
February 17th 1982
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| Mood: | tired |
| Type: | Article |
| Added: | July 25th 2003, 10:58:14 |
| Visits: | 1417 |
| Series: | [ Articles from my website ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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You know what I'm talking about. These can range from a simple "Hot enough for ya?" to the extreme, "How's the air up there?" to a tall person. Every single one deserves the same response though.
"Woah, that was really funny! I'm going to set fire to your face now!" Bastards. Oh, after they've been set ablaze be sure to ask if it's hot enough for 'em. Do these people really think they're being humorous? Do they not notice everyone within earshot cringing? Here's the worst lines.
"Do you ever get the feeling that the world is a black suit and you're a pair of brown shoes?" - Currently used to advertise the Johnny Carson video set, the Dean Martin celebrity roasts, and about a million other old comedy things. Most people today are too stupid to get this, and those that do get it have heard it a million times. Why do they use it to advertise video sets? Are they hoping for someone who wants jokes they've heard a million times? That would explain Carrot Top's popularity.
Good response: "Do you ever get the feeling you're an idiot?"
"You have an accident there?" - Used by the friend you never want to take out with you, but tags along anyway. This one is said after you return from a trip to the bathroom and have accidentally splashed a drop or two of water on your pants. They are implying that you pissed yourself.
Good response: "Nope, it's semen. It's supposed to be there."
"Your MOM!!!" - Used by the guy who still thinks Vanilla Ice is cool. Has not had a new line since he was born. Often says it to siblings, not realizing they have the same parents. Also not realizing that most people don't really give a shit if someone insults their mom.
Good response: "Whoo, didn't see that one coming. Good one. My mom... does the fun ever stop with you?"
"What were you thinking? I mean, hello." - Used by the girl trying to completely emulate Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. This makes her stupid. Exterminate with extreme prejudice. They think idiocy is a fashion statement, spend hours on the phone, and loved Legally Blonde. (The worst movie in existence)
Good response: (Courtesy of David Spade) "Hello? Hello? Shut up, it wasn't funny ten years ago and it's not funny now! Do you think you have a fresh spin on it or something?!"
"Is that your final answer?" - May be replaced with a Weakest Link reference. Often spoken by the person who sticks their nose directly in pop culture's ass. For some reason, they believe that spouting the same phrase as somebody on TV will get them laughs. You must teach them that it only works if it's not said ten thousand times a day.
Good response: "Eat my balls and die you piece of rat shit. That show sucks anyway."
"H to the izzo, v to the izzay! Shizzle my nizzle!" - May not have the first part. Unless they're mocking the song, this person would suck Tupac's penis. They worship rap and don't mind it when singers invent their own words.
Good response: "Better stop that, wouldn't want to get (Do finger quotes here) "capped" in a "drive-by!" That's how that Asspac guy died, isn't it?"
"See you next year!" - Spoken sometime near new year's eve. Can be used by anyone with a stale sense of humor. Probably the most common one on here and therefore the most annoying. This year I suffered through it no less than twelve times.
Good response: "Not if you die in a horrific accident first!"
"Who are you and what have you done with ____?" - Generally used after you do something uncharacteristic like clean something. (You dirty, dirty bastard) The speaker is implying that you would never ever do something like what you did. This makes them doubly stupid because obviously you HAVE done the thing, and they're using jokes even crappier than anything used in kid's movies. Almost.
Good response: "Wow, do you ever look fat!" (Not much of a response, but damn will it piss anyone off!)
"Oh, well then I guess it's free." - Anyone in retail will know this one. If a customer is checking out, generally 1 out of every 20 items won't scan for some reason. This is said because certain people are stupid and don't understand that you have to pay for stuff, even if the price is not immedietly available. Dumbasses.
Good response: Nothing. Bludgeon them with a rock.
"If I told you, then I'd have to kill you." - Women trying just a little too hard to be cute frequently pass this verbal piece of crap. Can be seen in any number of Meg Ryan/Julia Roberts movies usually after someone asks their weight. They are trying to illustrate that their information is invaluable. It is not. Someone should teach them that really, nobody cares how old she is or whatever and that you regret the question.
Good response: Start crying and cower in a corner. When she asks what's wrong, tell her that she just said she's going to kill you. When she tries to explain, scream and run.
Well, there you have it good readers. This is by no means a definitive list, so feel free to send in more annoying sayings to ninman@mailcity.com |
Oblivion4.37
September 11th 2003, 05:58:47
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"Don't Go there Girlfriend," -Popular with California Jerk-offs who watch 'Will and Grace' every damn day...
Good response: Either stabbing them with a kitchen knife or, for a more moderate, centrist approach, "Oh no, we're going there, and since this ain't your house, you don't get to object!" The use of ain't associates one with rural America. Culturally, farmers and the like are viewed as strong-willed. Subtle associative to deliver a very precise blow to over-inflated ego.
"Talk to the Hand!" -Talk-show moron stock saying.
Good response: "Talk to fist!" - Usually followed by a square punch. Helps if ya work out. |
acetken
October 05th 2003, 00:54:14
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| Nice. Adding it to the page. |
Syndel
March 20th 2004, 12:05:26
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| i will remember theese |
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Oblivion4.37
Syndel
