PHQ-Nickname:
acetken
Halfquake:
Tektonic
Level:
1
Total kills:
0
Birthday:
February 17th 1982
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| Mood: | sick |
| Type: | Article |
| Added: | July 25th 2003, 10:58:46 |
| Visits: | 1314 |
| Series: | [ Articles from my website ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Picture the following.
A wide open field. The camera zooms slowly to the middle. Wind chimes start to play in the background. You notice a goat. The camera stops about 5 feet from the goat. A sweaty, muscular man in a torn shirt walks over to the goat and rests one hand on it's head. Man turns towards the camera and says "envy." The most manly looking woman in the world appears and lays one hand on the goat, slaps the man, and says "lust." Camera zooms to goat's face. Goat says "greed."
Makes no sense, does it? This is a typical cologne ad. I swear to God, they try to make these things as stupid as possible. How much LSD does a person have to take before this kind of thing makes sense? More than $200 worth, that's for damn sure. That's the most we got our test subject to ingest before our he collapsed in a pool of his own vomit. We still can't wake Scott up... Anyway, as I was saying, these things are made to seem very highbrow and intellectual. What they actually come across as is fucking stupid and gay. Maybe the advertising executives are a little "special" if you get my drift. (Or as we say in Canada, "American")
Speaking of things that have no basis in reality, have you seen any of those Gap ads? I mean the store is bad enough without the irrelevant commercials. What the shit are those supposed to be?! If you've never seen one, let me tell you the three types of Gap ads.
1. There are about 12 people dancing around that all look like mannequins. They dance like speed-addled monkeys.
2. 6 kids are dancing around and they mirror the screen vertically. They act stupid.
3. Some random people stand around and sing. They just suck.
4. The hottie nun chick from Saving Silverman is doing a striptease right beside Leelee Sobieski who is asking me to come up and make out with them.
Okay, so maybe one of the ads is a little off, but you get the idea. Every single one fades out to the Gap logo with a dumbass saying beneath it. Something like "Everyone in khakis" or "Everyone eat the flesh of the living." You know, kind of Martha Stewart-ish. What I want to know is how the dancing freakshow is supposed to get people to buy clothes. And another thing, why the hell would anyone buy clothes from the Gap in the first place? I guess if you want to pay through the ass to look like a poor college kid from the 70's there's really only one place to go. Save money if you like those clothes, go to the Salvation Army. At least the salespeople don't wear those damn headsets. I swear, the only time I ever went in there nobody even talked to me. When I asked for help the salesperson mocked me for wearing more than one color.
Okay, that's it. I'm going to form a team to go in a Gap and steal a few headsets from the fuckheads wearing them. A few days later, we'll go into the store next to it, turn the sets on and start acting like two men having gay anal sex. Can you imagine the look on the faces of the Gap staff?
"Hello sir, can I help you look stupid today?"
*Crackle* "Oh yeah, right in my ass..."
(Salesgirl's eyes bug out)
It'll be the shit!!! |
Syndel
March 20th 2004, 12:09:01
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| im gonna go out on a limb here and say that her next comment was "dont go there!" |
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Syndel
