PHQ-Nickname:
acetken
Halfquake:
Tektonic
Level:
1
Total kills:
0
Birthday:
February 17th 1982
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| Mood: | sadistic |
| Type: | Article |
| Added: | July 25th 2003, 11:03:11 |
| Visits: | 1270 |
| Series: | [ Articles from my website ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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If I don't get a single piece of hate mail from this, then I've done something horribly, horribly wrong. Let me state my opinion flat out here. I fucking hate alcohol and people drinking. In fact, if you drink to any kind of hangover-worthy extent, you are a fool.
My qualifications for writing this rant? Well, I've never been drunk, but I've been buzzed once. (More on that later) I've also seen countless people pissed out of their trees and been regaled with many a sloshed student story. I've heard the arguments that people throw up against mine, and none hold any water. (So to speak) Anyway, I've put together a list of reasons people think drinking's OK and I've dismantled them into logical, idiot-digestible lumps.
It's fun! - By far, the most common excuse given. This is simply because there are no good reasons for people to drink and this seems like an acceptable substitution. It's not. The alcohol is not fun, is it? Put it on a table and have yourself a good long look at it. Is it dancing? Is it singing? Partying? Having itself a great old time?
No, IT'S A FUCKING INANIMATE OBJECT! It's not fun! Guess who does do that shit though? You. So what the hell do you need a costly drink for? To loosen up so you CAN do it? Oh, OK. So then you can't have a good time without a mind-altering substance? Don't we sound like a winner.
What's that you're thinking? It has to be placed in certain situations like bars for people to loosen up? So you mean that people are that damn frightened that nobody would dance or party without liquor? Doubtful.
The only real thing you can say is that the crowd is fun. The drinks don't really factor in at all.
Wait, did you mean drinking is fun? Nope. Lifting a beverage to your lips and swallowing is not fun either. Do you mean being drunk? As I said before, I've been buzzed. It's not a fun feeling unless you also enjoy tumbling in a dryer for hours on end and not having control over yourself.
In fact, the only thing that's fun about alcohol is making fun of drunk idiots.
It tastes good! - Well, I don't think anyone's dumb enough to use this, but just in case, I put it in. I don't think there's a single person out there that can honestly tell me that they prefer a spiked beverage to everything else unless they're a severe alcoholic. For everyone else though, is it really that hard to find a tastier/cheaper drink? I think not. I've drank almost every alcohol on the planet trying to find one I like. The only thing that came close was tequila with a lime and salt. The flavor is bad, but it's like a kick in the face. I used to drink it for purely masochistic reasons.
It's better for you than milk! - You must be a member of PETA and are stupid by default. Only a complete tool would believe anything these people say. The only thing you CAN say is that a glass of red wine with dinner is actually good for the ol' ticker. Sorry guys, beer does the opposite.
There's nothing else to do! - You're an unoriginal prick with no imagination. Go to the Stupid Adventures section and do some stuff from in there. Or, maybe you could have an original thought in your pickled head and think up something new to do. As an extra bonus, you'll remember it in the morning! Well, unless you get a concussion. But hey, you have a better chance of getting one while drunk, so another point for our side! For those that say they just can't do certain crazy things while sober, I suggest you get a little more courage and stop worrying what others will think of you. You're too concerned with public image.
I'm addicted! - That's because it's a drug, you fool. That's what drugs do. Nobody'd actually say this though since most alcoholics are in denial.
It's legal, so I can! - Great. It was also legal to have sex with your sister until a few hundred years ago. Just because you CAN do something, does that mean that it's a good thing to do? Not by a long shot. Example? Fork in a light socket. Yeah, it may look like fun, but you're still a tool.
I'm really, really stupid! - At least you admit it. Put down the bottle and give yourself a hand. Well, that is if you can see both clearly enough.
I drink to forget! - This is a sickly reason, and even most people that do get pissed up will agree. The problems will still be there in the morning. Deal with them, you fucking lush.
It doesn't harm anyone! - You're really goddamned deluded, you know that?! You go tell that to all the abused wives and children of alcoholics. Tell all the people who lost someone from a drunk driving incident. Tell the cops who have to break up bar fights. You're wrong.
But I won't do any of that stuff! I'm all growed up! - Don't tell me you don't do anything stupid. I've heard your goddamned stories. I personally know people that have had piss in their mouths, fell into fires, down stairs and broken limbs, and have lost friends because they insisted on having "fun" while their friend fucking babysat them. I know people that have screwed people they regret, gotten pregnant, broken shit, and have been arrested. These are the people I know that "don't do bad things." Again, you're wrong.
In closing, I'd just like to say that I don't expect to change anyone's mind about this. Drinkers will keep right on drinking because they are that goddamn stupid and closed minded. They'll ignore everything I've said and go about their lives thinking that this was some trite piece of light reading. They'll argue with me until the ends of time for something that (UNARGUABLE FACT ALERT!) has done far more harm than good. The only reason they'll do that though is because they don't want to change since "It's fun!"
So what should all us non-drinkers do? A favor. Go out with them. Hell, buy 'em a beer! Just make sure to drop a cyanide tablet or two in it first. Now that's a wicked hangover!
If you have any more reasons I haven't covered or just want to send me hate-mail, then write to ninman@mailcity.com. Eating my ass is acceptable as well. |
Swartz
July 29th 2003, 22:43:42
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| I agree, I used to get drunk once in a while and looking back it's a pretty retarded thing to do. |
Syndel
March 20th 2004, 12:56:23
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| i still dont know why people insist still on drinking - after reading this my opinion is even more solid. i have never tried alchol in any shape or form so i dont really know what it tastes like but reading this is notice that no one ever says they enjoy drinking beer. |
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Swartz
Syndel
