PHQ-Nickname:
TheNameless
Halfquake:
Doomsday Device Dealer
Level:
81
Total kills:
43,739,512
Birthday:
June 02nd 1988
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| Mood: | dead |
| Type: | Story |
| Added: | December 08th 2005, 19:13:27 |
| Visits: | 1315 |
| Series: | [ The Unreal Empire ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
My first disturbing short story... |
I can't believe it... I freaking did it again.
And I freaking can't figure out how to stop. It is the addiction,
this really strong urge to do it. I'm starting to scare myself.
Angela once said to me, that I could fight it and I could win.
But the longer I try the less I think I can. She simply didn't know
what it felt like. But she always tried so hard to keep me alive.
She was a good friend, a beautiful woman. I remember her making my
breakfest this one morning. It was like every other day that is left in my mind.
I don't understand how I survived without these pencakes...
This was the last day I ever saw her. She simply disappeared.
The sweet taste of the marple sirup was still on my tongue when she
was gone. I searched for days, but there was no freaking trace.
It was like she simply turned into air and was taken away by the
wings of the slight summer breeze. I hope she is OK.
But that doesn't matter now.
The time is right now, the place is right here and I am stuck in this
whole bucket full of shit. It smells of rotten flesh and piss. The rats
beside me cheerfully gnaw on the corpses of their former comrades. It is a
cruel and unforgiving world. It's a shame. I realize this right now.
But Right now is too late. I should have thought of this earlier,
I should have done something against it, I should have started to
organize my life and make something out of it. Anything. Anything is
better than this. Maybe I can still do it. The chance is not very good,
but there still is one. I just don't know if I will ever be strong
enough to climb out of this bucket. This whole mess just starts to
piss me off.
Yes! I am strong enough! I will make it! I will start right now!
Now is the moment I am turning all around. Where will I start?
I will.... I will.... I....
I take out the belt again and put it around my upper arm. I fasten it
hard, like always. I can feel the pressure rising inside my arm. My blood
is thirsty for it. I hate this feeling, I will always hate it. And I will
never stop feeling it. The loophole blue vein shows it's sadistic grin
to me. I take out the hated instrument and give myself the hated shot.
Everything starts to turn around again and the real world slowly starts
to fade away. This is my time. This is my life.
And I long for a different one.
The garbage can next to me spins around slowly. It gets faster and faster
and it's colors change into a shining red and black. Everything else gets
black and white. Just this spinning piece of irrationality seems to live.
It gets so fast that the lines begin to blur. A shining red sun enlightens
the gray backalley now. Then the knocking starts. It beats like the heart,
I never had. The beats are getting stronger and stronger.
The mightiest one finally overwhelms me. Everything is
suppressed by this red glowing sensation and then I pass out.
This is the end. I can feel it - I ... I'm .... scared. This whole
dark loneliness is the worst one I ever experienced. I feel useless. Just so forgotten.
Are you there Angela? Angela, I need you now! Now more than ever....
Please! I try to think of her one last time, so I can be happy in my
last miserable moments of my useless existence.
I wonder... will I dream? |
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