PHQ-Nickname:
TheNameless
Halfquake:
Doomsday Device Dealer
Level:
81
Total kills:
43,739,512
Birthday:
June 02nd 1988
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| Mood: | dead |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | November 15th 2006, 16:56:27 |
| Visits: | 1695 |
| Series: | [ The Unreal Empire ] |
| Rating: | 4.5/5 (Votes: 2) |
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Description:
I stumbled over a short story called "Water" by Fred Leebron lately and it kind of inspired me
to write one myself. It's kind of a sequel to it, but it can be understood without knowing Water.
Maybe it's even better if you don't know it  . |
Control
„Kate, what is it?"
They were both sitting on a large stone by the river. The evening sun painted the clouds red and
pink. They now looked like tattered pieces of cotton candy, he thought. He bent his kissing face to Kate one more time, but she just looked down into the water. Their Feet were dangling in the river.
„Kate, what's wrong?"
„I love you." She said with an indifferent voice.
„What? Is that wrong?"
„Yes, it is. But maybe not. Or... I don't know. It feels wrong. It just...."
„It just isn't the right thing to do? It's not right, that two persons loving each other get together?
It's not right, that you are trying to get away from HIM, who is beating you when you come
home? You are doing the right thing, trust me!"
They both were sitting there in silence. A tear was dropping into the water of the river and was
washed away immediately. But the next one stuck to her cheek and slowly rolled down the skin.
„I don't know what I should do. I just can't get him out of my head. Even in my happiest moments
he sneaks into my thoughts and hunts down even the last bit of happiness I have left."
Now she started to cry harder.
„Hey, hey... it's OK. Don't cry, please. He won't hurt you again, I promise."
She looked at the reflection of them in the water. He was hugging her and herself was just sitting on the cold stone in despair, not knowing which way to take.
She turned her head to him, to see the impression on his face. It was a concerned, but yet
friendly and trusting expression.
„I love you. You are always so kind, so loving, and understanding. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. But I can't be together with you. Not now. I am sorry." Tears began to run down her face again and the flock of geese was swimming by.
„I wish I'd be one of them." She kept staring at those beautiful birds floating on the water.
„They are free. They don't have such problems. They simply live their lives with their Partners,
no fears, no confusions, no worries, no beating and no betraying."
She paused and began to realize what she just said.
„... no betraying..." As Kate tried to stand up, he held her back.
„Wait a minute, wait! Don't , please don't do that. It doesn't have to be the way it is now, it can all..."
„Whenever I kiss you" ,She interrupted him, „ I feel guilty. I feel just like being him. I don't want to be like him, I hate him. And that's why I have to go back."
Every try to look him in the eyes failed. She just had to turn away her head and remind herself in
disgust, what she was doing.
„Please don't do this, Kate, you are everything I have. I warn you. Don't just leave me like that,
I warn you, Kate!"
A new fierce and despaired anger was glowing in his eyes now, but Kate couldn't see it.
It was all too much for her. She just started to run away.
„Kate, no! I warned you, you... Hey stop!" He shouted and ran after her. His anger made him Gasp for breath as he reached her, grabbed her and beat her to death. The loud curses he shouted about her,
when he saw her lying on the cold and wet ground became calmer and calmer, until he finally
stopped to rage and started to think like his old self again. Pragmatic. With a neutral and
unconcerned look on his face, he threw her into the water.
Now she was floating down the river and the geese swam by her side, but they soon started picking at her.
The place was lonely. Nobody had seen, or heard anything, only the moon that rose up into the sky was a witness of his deed. He decided to go back to his apartment, to relax, to plan what to do next, to drink a coffee and to smoke a cigarette.
13 Minutes after the explosion, many trucks of the fire department were there and one man with a sadistic grin on his face was enjoying the spectacle. They were able to put out the fire and recover one dead body from the burnt apartment.
The other one must have been completely burnt away.
Now she got what she deserves for betraying me. |
muddasheep
November 16th 2006, 23:44:39
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Nice. Really nice. The pacing was excellent, although the transition of his reactions to the beating to death was just a tad bit too fast, a few words of emotion surely wouldn't have hurt the moment, then again as it is right now it really hits the reader as well because it comes fast and unexpected.And I love the final twist in the final sentence. I really would like you to try doing more stories like that.
Also, if you're into short stories, you should give Roald Dahl a try for inspiration.  |
TheNameless
November 19th 2006, 18:34:56
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Thanks .
And thank you for your tip. And I would like to write some more short stories and also read some. I just discovered my sympathy for short stories.
So Roald Dahl is now on my list. |
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muddasheep
