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Syndel's Spire
Syndel's Spire

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Chapter 1

Added:June 07th 2007, 02:02:13
Series:[ The Returned ]
Rating:5/5 (Votes: 2)

Chapter 1. A young boy finds himself in a black, infinate emptyness.
Edit: Various spelling mistakes.

"So... you are dead..." The words reverberated and echoed through his mind. "...Finally." He seemed numb. All his body seemed somehow distant and he could not feel himself. His eyes saw darkness stretching out to infinite. He wondered quietly whether he even had eyes.
"Who are you?" He asked innocently, a young pre-teen voice.
The voice seemed somehow intrigued "Who I am? My dear boy, you would be best off asking one of the typical questions, 'Where am I?!', 'What happened?!', 'Where are I going'.
"But I know where I am. I died so this must be purgatory. What happened? I was shot. Where am I going? Well... I figure you must be death to tell me now."
"Aren't you the least bit curious? Your death has... unusual significance."
"I was shot... by my best friend, the person I trusted most... he was smiling. I do not want to know more."
"As you wish... though you may one day regret it. You are right, however, I am death: the undoer, the eroder, the ultimate end."
"Can I... will I see my friend again?" The young boy blurted out.
"Your friend? You wish to meet your murderer?"
He remembered the cold eyes that met him over the barrel of the .40 semi-automatic pistol, the grim smile as he pulled the trigger, the sky as he fell and let his heart beat it's final rhythm. "He probably didn't mean it" He said, not believing it for a minute.
"So... why would the victim wish to meet the murderer hmm? I don't believe you think he made a mistake, I think you want something entirely different from him. I think you want revenge."
The boy, being a peaceful soul was shocked to his core "I could never hurt another being!" However, the suggestion had struck a cord with his instincts deep below his concious thoughts.
"Hmm interesting" said Death pensively. "It is possible you will see him again, after all there can only be one place all souls end up... eventually. However, I am willing to offer you the chance to enter back in to the mortal realm. As I said, your death is... unusual... tell me... do you believe in fate?"
"I believe that fate works in strange ways... but does exist." He said, the thoughts coming easily to him.
"Then would you appreciate the significance of being the only mortal in one-hundred, thousand years offered the chance to explore, once more, into his own world."
His eyes opened wide. "You mean being shot was that unusual?"
"Oh, of course not! It's just... well... strictly I'm not allowed to tell you... so I won't. In any case you now have the opportunity to return to your place of death as a spirit entity and try to..." Death's voice went hazy at this point. "...exist."
"You mean like a... ghost? I thought they were only stories!"
"Yes..." Death said after a moments thought. "...yes a bit like a ghost... though you should try to refrain from terrifying mortals and sending them to me before their time."
He pondered this a moment. "What... abilities will I have? I've heard stories where ghosts couldn't do anything but float and be bored."
"You shall have many abilities, these will grow as you develop and get used to your new non-corporeal form. At first you will, however, lack the ability to control your shape and appear to mortals but soon you will learn to focus your energies and develop certain skills."
"So I'll be a hanging ball of invisible goo?"
"Something like that..." Death said. "Be warned, there are certain dangers to one of your form, and as one in your current status must appreciate you haven't been the best to avoid danger so far. One thing to avoid is any holy symbol of any religion. Many are harmless as their power comes from the amount of people who believe in them, but some major religious symbols can cause you to loose your abilities or be completely banished from the mortal realm - and that is a one way trip to oblivion. Metal, carved and jewelled objects seem to be most dangerous to one of your state - these items have been skill-fully crafted and blessed by holy people - people with an incredible amount of faith behind them. You are, to most religions, an abomination. Know that there are people out there who would prefer you cast out of this reality - no matter what your sin."
"Is there anything I can do if I can't avoid them?" He asked nervously.
"The more powerful you are in your form the more belief you can counter but using ability's to avoid them can be very dangerous. The relics can disable your abilities forcing you into one state or the other, say you are in an energy state - a relic would force you into either a completely non-corporeal form making you loose control of your energy or force you into a solid entity making you vulnerable to physical harm."
The enormity of the dangers his naked soul faced in the world ahead became clear to him and he asked desperately "Is there any way I can avoid this? What if I don't want to go back...?"
"I am afraid you have little choice - your body is confined to this plane or to return to the mortal world. You can face oblivion here or return and seek some sort of... normality."
There was silence for a while. "I will leave you now" Death said after a while. "To return just concentrate on your place of death. Your thoughts should take you there."
"Wait!" He cried. "What... what's my name?" He asked suddenly. There was silence all around him. He wondered quietly to himself whether he should return. He thought about his family, his friends, his life. He thought about his pet gerbil that died when his dad had over-balanced and dropped a box on it. He imagined what it would feel like to be home... to hug his parents once more, to fight among his siblings, to play with his frien-

Suddenly there was noise around him. Children playing, cars on the road outside his house, the quiet melody of his mother singing while cleaning dishes in the kitchen. He opened his eyes - an ethereal scene of blue and white meeting his eyes. He glanced down and saw his corpse lying there in a pool of blood, his assailant long gone. He was back. It was real.

June 07th 2007, 10:45:04
But AGAIN I can't translate sooo big text. Sorry.

June 07th 2007, 10:57:56
If anyone would be willing to do translations for my stories and send them to me I'll be happy to post them but I only know English.

June 07th 2007, 11:09:53
Yay, good story in Russian! But those translator really SUX))

June 08th 2007, 03:35:38
An excellent text, sir. It was enjoyable and leaves me waiting for the next in this series. If anything to mention it was perhaps too... explicative, it contained much information depicting the man's situation in a torrent that seems out of place, if I'm expressing myself right.

Please go on with these. ^^

June 08th 2007, 13:35:53
Hmmm. If you mean what I think you do then yes - I agree somewhat. This is my first attempt at a primarily character/speech based story so some comments may seem out of place. I think when I have finished the story I may rewrite this chapter.

June 08th 2007, 22:01:40
Hmm... I dunno why, but mysteriously some signs like apostrophes are displayed as a question mark in PHQ in my browser (Firefox). So the first sentence appears as: ?So... you are dead...? You could simply use double quotes (") ... or just don't care 'cause I appear to be the only one with that problem anyway :P

I copied the text into an editor and replaced the signs to be able to read it ;) It's very good and I would really like to read more. Good work!

June 09th 2007, 01:40:52

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