PHQ-Nickname:
Wolfsbane
Halfquake:
The Chamber
Level:
1
Total kills:
64
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| Mood: | depressive |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | December 03rd 2003, 00:43:48 |
| Visits: | 1292 |
| Series: | [ Amy's Journals... ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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WOW! The most beautiful and yet disturbing image popped up in my head. It was...me. But, I was dying. It was a slow death. My wrists were slit, and the blood was rushing out. But it was so beautiful, and the colors so radiant. *sigh* I just...looked so...beautiful.
There are more images in my mind. One of which is the cage. I'm locked in it. But it's not a friendly cage. It's haunting and cruel. I'm stuck in this cage. I try to break out, but I cannot do it. I haven't the anger to break out of this cage. There is no anger in me right now. I'm filled with despair, sadness, some occasional happines that fades.
But these images. They are so real. They are so pretty. These images.
Then there are images that aren't of me. Just situations. Like the one about being bound to the floor, chained to the very floor. Arms and legs chained apart and someone being sprawled on the floor. There is a small beam of light shining down. A pitch black room except for one small beam of light. Just one beam.
Then there's the girl that sits alone on a rocking chair. She's just sitting there. Crying. And suddenly she sees the one she loves, he comes up to her and wipes away the tears, all of the tears. She stops crying and sees a bright light. Then she wakes up from her daydream. She realizes she's still crying and that the one she loves has left forever and that she will never get him back. Not only that, but that the bright light was just the sun glaring off of the bright snow and the window pane. She then looks down in her lap, an old note sitting there. The note is from that one she loves. Then she remembers that the note is from her love. Then she picks up the gun under the note, and blows away her head.
Then there's the guy, al one in his room. But he's so sad. So he sits there. He remembers why he got so sad in the first place. Then he hides. But not physically. He hides mentally and he just locks himself in his head. He hides there. Sure, he still moves and thinks and functions, but he's locked away his emotions. He just sits in his mind, alone. He knows the comfort, the true comfort in being in there. |
Legion
December 03rd 2003, 06:28:02
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"Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me "
Normally the song is about trying to get away from someone...but...the first line says something more to me.
I've never done. A complete first for me. I keep crying for you, I've screamed at others for you, and I've bled for you, we all have, especially Rick. He loves you. I love you. Please stop feeling like the world is going to fall apart and he will walk away...
Yours Truly,
Damien |
December 03rd 2003, 12:48:26
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| Damien, I've just been in a bad mood, they come and go. But, for you and Rick and LDG, I will try to stop feeling like that. *sigh* The times when I felt so comfortable with him, he suggested a break. And yet the first time I know was influenced by the circumstances which had happened only a few days before. The second time was because of, I don't even know. I think it was my family. But those two times, he wanted me to feel what he felt. And those two times, I was already dealing with my own shit. The first time I was trying to deal with LDG having "died" in my arms. And trust me, I do not handle death very well. It was not only that, but that whole Saturday, with you and LDG telling me to get the hell out of his life and even holding a knife to me. The second time, I had been battling my parents ALL that weekend. It's not easy when just they are drunk, but add on the fact that all of their friends were there as well, so they were more and more bitchy. Then, this past time, just on Saturday. *sigh* I had already thought that Rick was completely mad at me, and the weekend was shitty due to the never-ending hell from my parents. So look, I know I've bottled some of it up. I don't even know if I meant to. I was happy the other night, but that faded. You know what? I am growing up...again, but not in the way Rick had wanted the other day. Now you might realize, that I grow up the most when I am hurt, this you will see if you do not already. But, for the three of you, I will try to be happy. I'll do what I can ok? And Damien, don't be a stranger. |
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Legion
