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We're Being Blackmailed
By muddasheep, July 10th 2008, 15:44:59

Dear sadists,

apparently somebody broke into our underground base and spread some kind of toxic gas through the ventilation shafts. There's no need to worry, as it's not exactly life threatening. However, it's got a significant impact on our ability to convey and experience emotions. And here comes the "fun" part: I tried a dice roll this morning, but I was paralyzed instantly. Then looking around in my office I found a dead victim in a dark corner with a note pinned with a dagger into its back. The note read as follows:

"AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHA! HA! BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Next to the note I found another dagger pierced into the victim's flesh with another piece of paper (which I tried to find amusing, but I couldn't, thus I wanted to be frustrated, but that didn't work either, then my brain reacted with confusion, which was blocked off again). This sheet held some kind of price list and bank account information (and a few drops of the victim's blood). Apparently, there is a cure for each emotion, and we have to send money to the account provided. Believe me, I'd rather send a few assassins to whoever did this instead of the money, but I just can't feel mad about it. Besides, we've got a lot of enemies, most of them probably capable of doing things like that. It would take ages to track the guilty one down. Thus I thought the easiest way to get it over with is to just pay the price, get the antidotes and return to our daily routines (killing and more killing).

Admittedly some of those prices appear to be insane, but since I don't have any emotions right now, I just look at the numbers and don't feel a thing. Normally I would be angry at the very fact that this is probably part of the blackmailer's plan too, but somehow I just don't care.

I've told one of my bookkeeper slaves to convert all prices into our currency, and to create an electronic list that automatically lets you all send whatever amount you can pay. I noticed he added a restriction without my agreement, so you can only pay like five percent of one's remedy's price per earth day (but still pay for multiple remedies per day). And who knows what else he's implemented. When I'll be able to feel anger again, I'm gonna kill him for sure.

Interestingly, our little blackmailer seems to know our conversion rates, because all of those now converted values are rather suspicious. Take a look for yourself:

PHQ Link

The good news is that there were some emotions on the price list of the victim's back that haven't existed around here before. I made my bookkeeper add them to our transaction list anyway, because who knows, it might work and we're going to have more emotions to choose from when they're paid for.

Last but not least, I have no clue how the blackmailer's going to cure our emotions. Probably just spread it across the air shafts again, so we might get our emotions back the instant they're paid for.

muddasheep

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