PHQ-Nickname:
Wolfsbane
Halfquake:
The Chamber
Level:
1
Total kills:
64
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| Mood: | silent |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | October 12th 2003, 10:50:11 |
| Visits: | 1282 |
| Series: | [ Amy's Journals... ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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What was with him today? He just seemed so...distant. I think distant is the word. I mean, I feel bad getting so worked up over this...but I wanted time with him today. I hadn't been able to talk to him for 4 days, and when I saw him, it was like it never even mattered.
Now I'm wondering if I even matter...does he even need me? He didn't seem to need me today. I mean, I spent more quality time with his friend then I did with him. His friend was more protective than he was. Its weird, my own boyfriend could have easily met his own downfall if Dave and I had not been there. It was sad really.
To think, I felt so neglected by one and accepted by the other. It was so weird. And when I would have needed a reassurance, Dave was there. And he was teaching me how to handle my new knife, where Rick would have normally. I like knowing that Rick has a good friend, a good guy like Dave. But it hurts, that Rick didn't seem to care or notice I was there.
And he got all mad at me when he was carelessly doing something and Dave and I pointed it out. And he got all pissy and told me how he didn't like the tone in my voice, but it was a necessary tone, or he never would have gotten the point! Then he gets all pissy at me, for telling him that I won't help when he can't do things, which aggrivates him even more. But its the same thing I would tell anyone. I would have said it to even my closest and dearest friends.
But it was just shitty how he was so distant. I felt like I never even belonged there in the first place, and that if I jumped off the railing to my death, he wouldn't care. Then of course, a girl flirts with him, and I just walked away, cuz he was flirting with her too. Not like he needed me then so he could say something to me or give me a hug or even pay a moment of attention to me.
Hell, I didn't know if I'd even get to see him again, all I wanted to do was curl up in his arms and just cry or talk, or anything. Just to know he was there and it wasn't a dream. But I got no such pleasure. No alone time, nothing. I just wanted it to be us for a bit. And when I was more than bored, he was playing his video games.
Sorry, I'm not big on spending all your time on video games. I've already dated a guy that did that, wasn't fun, made for a very boring summer.
And I've been putting up with shit all week, wanted to escape it...and I did, but now I have this whole, not needed feeling, which is ripping me apart. I want to feel like I'm needed. Cuz I know that when I die, none of my friends will REALLY miss me after too long. And now I have this feeling he won't either. I hope thats not true, but I just feel like shit.
I was getting all these funny looks in the mall, and no one was there with me. And when he finally got back to the table, I jsut felt like shit. I mean, Dave was there before Rick was. But Dave isn't a good friend of mine or anything, and no offense to Dave, but he wasn't the one I WANTED to be with me. But he's cool. Now I feel sick and stuff, so I'm off for now. Well, until I write again...
~Amy |
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