PHQ-Nickname:
acetken
Halfquake:
Tektonic
Level:
1
Total kills:
0
Birthday:
February 17th 1982
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| Mood: | MMMWAAHAHAHA |
| Type: | Article |
| Added: | July 25th 2003, 10:59:20 |
| Visits: | 1317 |
| Series: | [ Articles from my website ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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There's nothing I like better after a hard day of not working than relaxing in front of my computer. Thought I was gonna say TV, didn't you? Well no, I don't watch TV much unless Drew Carry's on. The reason behind this is that all the channels seem to be shrines to futility. Companies whoring out their products like a cheap carnival hawker screaming anything at all just to try to get you to take the bait.
"I remember when I was a kid." - There are no seven words that make me want to fly into an Incredible Hulk-like rage more than these ones. I'm sure everyone know what I'm talking about. These are the commercials for McDonald's dollar deals or whatever they're called. They have a "cute" (That means annoying as fuck) little kid of about 6 that talks about how when he was younger (How could he be? Do they hire embryos?) a dollar used to be worth something. Like what, a dollar? Good call. I haven't liked a fast food commercial since Dave Thomas died. He ruled. What the hell's with the fast food commercials anyway? They show every burger being about 8 feet high loaded with all kinds of delicious stuff. Now go buy one. What's on there? A limp piece of lettuce and something that resembles beef. This stuff wouldn't fill an Ethiopian. Although, it does have the calories or a six course meal...
"Feminine itch, bathroom tissue." - Why can't they ever tell the truth in advertising? Come out and say what you're selling, don't make up fancy terms for it! YEAST INFECTION, TOILET PAPER! Why do we have to make up words for stuff nobody found offensive anyway?!
"New and improved!" - For the uneducated, that means "We tossed in an extra 1ml per vat of some crap that doesn't need to be there." They're constantly changing formulas (or pretending to) just so people will try their crappy product again. Don't fall for it! A way to do this yourself is to sell lemonade on a corner. When nobody buys, piss in it and call it new and improved. Waitaminute... how can it be new AND improved? If it's new, then it hasn't been improved. PICK ONE.
"The joy of Pepsi" - My God. Every person caught trying to pass this liquid pig shit off as a drink should be doused in napalm. Can you really trust a company that has Brittney Spears as a spokes-ho? I think not.
"Hey kids!" - This is always spoken by some odd little product mascot that usually has nothing to do with the product. The best commercial I ever saw made fun of this. I looked around for about 2 hours today trying to find it, but AdCritic seems to be down. Anyway, there were some kids eating breakfast in a brightly lit dining room. They went to grab the orange juice and some little sun jumps off the bottle. "Hey kids! Orangetopia is..." The kids run away screaming "MOMMY!!" The sun runs into the room where the mom is and she takes one look at it and boots it out of the room right behind her kids. The little sun is chasing them yelling "But I've got vitamins and minerals, dammit!" It was the greatest thing ever.
"Mattress mattress!" - These are shitty semi-local commercials, and boy does it show. The woman's voice makes me want to take two forks to my eardrums just so I don't have to listen to her incessant droning any more. SHUT UP WOMAN! I will never buy a mattress from these people just because of these commercials.
"Welch's grape juice!" - One day, I'm gonna grab dual barettas and bust into the place where they film these and go John Woo on a couple of motherfuckers. Did they pick the most annoying kids they could find? They're ususally little girls with a permanent shiteating grin who look like spoiled brats talking about how good juice is. Great. There's someone I want to take product advice from, these kids haven't even stopped picking their noses yet.
Comapnies should take lessons from this so they don't ever inflict this kind of horror on humanity again. If you want to make good commercials try emulating Fosters beer, Budweiser, 7-Up, or anything with Mr. T. Dammit, don't make me come over there and kick your asses for pissing me off! |
Syndel
March 20th 2004, 12:20:18
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one rule for tv presenters is to never work with kids but in tv adverts you can reshoot as much as you want and eventually you can get anyone to say what you want. so much for free speach - i never trust tv quotes.
heres some things on adverts
you dont get adverts on computers - sure you can get popups on the net but theese can be easily blocked by a popup blocker and you can get on with browseing - but on tvs there is no such thing - there is no X button on your remote control. and now adays on some digital/sattalite channels the programs are on for 10 minutes then adverts for the next 15 i mean WTF!!?!?!
one interesting thing about comp vs tv is that it was recently recorded that more people were playing counter strike on their computers then the season rateings for tv programs.
if they had interactive tv- oh wait im forgetting digital. one thing that people dont realise is that people with cable cant actually access most interactive services. oh yes and then theres the extra cost... "press the red button now and play this cool game each 2 minute game costs $1 you can find hundreds of better games on the internet and oh did i mension they are FREE. computers are the way forward for entertainment needs and already i see lots of ads advertiseing it as an alternative entertainment system instead of a tv. sigh. |
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Syndel
