PHQ-Nickname:
acetken
Halfquake:
Tektonic
Level:
1
Total kills:
0
Birthday:
February 17th 1982
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| Stupid, Stupid Bat Creatures |
| Mood: | sick |
| Type: | Story |
| Added: | July 25th 2003, 11:10:47 |
| Visits: | 1305 |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Bats in my house piss me off. Why you may ask? Are you stupid I may ask? Well, let me explain anyway. It was a typical night at home with Terry and I playing Heroes Of Might And Magic 3 and Dean off running one of his errands in my car. Soon enough, Dean gets back, but with his friend Amy in tow. He asks if he can take the car so they can go for coffee and I figure "Why not?" 10 minutes later, I go out to the kitchen to get a drink when I noticed the door was wide-ass open. So I get my drink and back into my room I go to take my turn.
WHOOSH!!!
"What the hell?!" WHOOSH!!!!
"IT'S A FUCKIN' BAT!!!" At this point, Terry and I got our collective asses outta that room faster than the average Ethiopian lifespan. We stood at the doorway to the room just watching the bat fly around my room in circles.
"Terry?" I asked. "How are we gonna get it outta here?"
"Grab me a blanket. I'll catch it in there and throw it outside."
So I gave him the blanket and Terry bravely cowered in the doorway waiting for the bat to fly by. Soon enough, it did and Terry tossed the blanket. He missed. He then took some pictures, and told me he had to go to work and that I was on my own. Bastard... Anyway, after Terry's laughter faded off and I was alone, I decided maybe the bat just needed a friend.
Me: "Uhh, hi Mr. Bat. Wanna kindly get the hell out of my room so I don't hafta whoop your ass?"
Him: "..."
Me: "Oh yeah?! Your MOM!!! HAHAHA!!! Wait, that's not funny... Okay, I'm gonna get out of the way and leave the outside door open. You just fly your ass right on outside, kay?"
So I walked out of the doorway and heard a flutter. I opened the outside door and waited for the grand exit. I peeked back in my room in time to see the little bastard flying behind my dresser. Fuck. I closed the outside door and walked back to the doorway of my room.
Me: "Dammit bat, can't you see that I'm trying to get you out of here without hurting you?!"
Him: (Muffled from under dresser) "..."
Getting pissed, I walked over to he dresser and gave it a boot.
I can not stress the sheer terror of this next scene enough. The bat flew up my housecoat. Sound horrifying? I wasn't wearing underwear. How about now? Lucky for me, the bat got penis envy or something and got out of there pretty damn fast. Ever felt violated by a forest creature? I have, and it ain't pretty. Needless to say, I left the room as fast as I could, screaming as little as possible after a bat has touched base with Mr. Happy. The little son of a bitch was flying around the room doing what I interpreted as a victory lap when I decided to get a bowl to toss over his batty ass next time he landed. And land he did. On the side of my dirty clothes basket thereby making the bowl tactic useless. After weighing different strategies in my mind, I decided the best course of action was to get the broom handle, pick up the clothes hamper with it, and toss it outside. This plan worked perfectly and he was soon flying around wherever the hell bats fly around outside.
Since I was so full of adrenaline, I proceeded to dance around the house as if I'd scored a winning superbowl touchdown screaming things like "YEAH! YOUR BATTY ASS BE FUCKED UP!!!!", and "WHO'S MY BITCH!? YOU MY BATTY HO!!" This continued for about 10 minutes until my body realized I was too fat to continue such vigorous exercise, and made me sit down. |
AMSdregor
October 02nd 2003, 04:23:04
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| Get off the suger cubes dammit!!!!!!!! |
Syndel
March 20th 2004, 10:35:11
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| scary... |
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AMSdregor
Syndel
