PHQ-Nickname:
Legion
Halfquake:
The Asylum
Level:
10
Total kills:
60,346
Birthday:
June 22nd 1984
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| Mood: | tired |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | February 19th 2004, 09:26:43 |
| Visits: | 1183 |
| Series: | [ A love life now lost ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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There is a time and place for everything. I've learned in the years passed that we must choose our battles carefully and sometimes we must deny ourselves of some victories that may seem very sweet to the taste. But, in the bitter reality such lust for vengence can only supplement a need which cannot be satisfied.
Bloodlust is a powerful feeling which is felt through out humanity.
This strong rage-filled feeling has no remorse and little room for any care for the consequences.
But when do we realize what is mindless blood lust and what is justice? When do we truly know when we are satisfying our need for blood through a petty feud...and when do we know our satisfaction is truly justified.
Recently, my darling dear Amy, also known as Wolfsbane suffered betrayal at the hands of someone in which I also suffered either equal to or greater than of the same brand of betrayal. This in turn with some other events brought my sympathy to a screaming halt. I felt angry, upset, even suicidal momentarily. Its more in my nature to hurt myself than to hurt others. I do not like violence or to be the cause of great pain unless I deem otherwise.
Now, I have been given a chance to completely decimate what is left of this insignificant bug which interfered with my life and feelings. I have a chance to even the score and with extreme prejudice.
But, as much as it may satisfy my present animosity...will it cure it momentarily leaving me empty later on? Or will it succeed in quelling an emotional storm of hate swelling with a rage which might possibly be blinded by a subtle hurt. Regretfully, I would deny that there is really any possibility that the hurt caused is subtle or rather misplaced. I know where its placed and why its there. I know its like a scar which is slit deep into my very sub-conscience, tearing away at the essence of what more agressive and depressing emotions.
Ironically enough, my first trail of anger led to the very person I love. Her choices were what changed many things. But, on the other hand, the person I am opposed to is the quintessential origins of this entire mess. So while I've already explained whatever hurt or pain I have sustained durning this conflict and the rest of it has been gone over with a fine tooth comb (which has led to apologies, acceptance, and forgiveness) with my darling dear...and things are okay with her and I...an unresolved issue still presents itself with the counterpart and beginnings of where the discord and pain began.
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. - Prov. 6:19
And like so, they were a false prophet which brought upon this dissension.
It began with a contradistinction.
So what does one do when the brood has been overwhelmed by traitorous seditionists?
Part of me says, "Slaughter the dissentients in my name. " - Queen of the Zerg
The other half preaches peace, sympathy, understanding, and good will.
I guess time will only tell.
Legion |
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