PHQ-Nickname:
Wolfsbane
Halfquake:
The Chamber
Level:
1
Total kills:
64
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| Mood: | weird |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | March 12th 2004, 01:08:55 |
| Visits: | 1237 |
| Series: | [ Amy's Journals... ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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//3|_|_, 7|-|3123 15 4 |_07 601//6 0// 1// //Y |_1P|-| 1216|-|7 //0//.
He he he. Enough with the |_337 for now. I have way too much going on, more than is making me feel comfortable. First, I'm being followed. I know who is following me, I kinda know why. I'm also being watched, every damned minute of my day, the same people are watching me. But the weirdest, is that my mind is being tapped into. I know BASICALLY who is the source of all this. I have one name in mind in particular. BUT...this is a full scale war. This is a war beyond all wars that I have ever known. This is a war that will determine so much about my life. What must be done must be done, I will not try to prevent this or stall this. There is much going on...a full scale war. BUT...that's not even a bad thing. I'm trying to keep a very open mind about it all. There are reasons I have gotten involved, and I will NOT back down. Not only this war, but I have yet another one going on as well. In fact I have a few wars occuring at the current moment. BUT...one of them is not entirely MINE so to speak. BUT...to hell with whatever doesn't matter to me at the current moment.
I feel like my mind is being attacked again. And the worst part of it all is that the one I love has me feeling this way. At the moment, I'm not allowed to check my mail or go on my screen names, and I'm honestly OK with that. But...this time I wasn't grounded. This time I'm doing this so that I don't have extra stress added to my life. Hell, I'm not even going to go in the forums in here for a while. I just have to organize myself before I feel more and more and more hurt. I'm trying to protect myself in a way. Not to mention that I need to get more sleep at night, so I'll be going to bed a few hours earlier. In fact...it's almost my bed time now.
I'm really starting to take over my own life right now. I'm controlling myself. No one else is controling me. I'm taking the initiative to know when to and not to do things as well as keep my head in order. I'm setting schedules for myself. I want to go and get a job soon. I'm even living in the way I want, without being told. Yeah, sure, there are rules I live by, but I'm really trying to help myself here. Let me be greedy for a while.
But, this is MY responsibility, I want to take my responsibility. I'm keeping myself at different levels of maturity. I'm really starting to control how my mind works. Kat's been put to sleep, Lucius is mostly away. I am really working on bettering myself.
I've realized it's not fair to those around me if Kat and Lucius keep coming out. It's not fair to do to my friends at all. SO...I'm keeping them mostly locked up. Kat's asleep and Lucius is just...keeping order in my mind. I've realized how much it can hurt my friends if those two are out and how confusing it is. I don't think it's fair to do to those I actually care about, so I'm locking them up.
I can personally say that I know how confusing it can be or even stressful. I don't want to put others through that sort of pain and stress. BUT...I'm off for now. I have to go for now, becuase I've told myself that I have to. I have certain responsibilities to uphold. |
Legion
March 12th 2004, 05:28:07
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Dearest Amy...
I write this to you now as a pititful fool filled with self-loathing and guilt. I'm glad you have started to take control in your life...and I'm proud of you for getting yourself to a point that no one controls you...but...believe it or not...I like having you in my life...and this puts you further out of my life...I'm sorry I'm added stress. I didn't mean to be. Sickness isn't around since yesterday's ritual...and...I'm sorry. I'm in tears...and I miss you...and I'm sorry. Please don't totally disappear from my life right now...please don't...
Your Broken Orange Rose,
Legion |
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Legion
