PHQ-Nickname:
Seth275
Halfquake:
Seth Galaxy Corp.
Level:
21
Total kills:
614,025
Birthday:
November 20th 1986
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| Mood: | pessimistic |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | January 26th 2005, 17:32:02 |
| Visits: | 1350 |
| Series: | [ Thoughts about (My) Life ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
Some thoughts. |
First of all i'd like to remid all of you of the post Hollow did before. Read it seems somehow interesting 
Yey i somehow feel tired, angry, lost, confused and all this at the same time.
I don't know where to start. There's so much going on currently i'm just sick of it but at the same time somehow everything feels unreal and yeha somehow i feel lonly.
Currently there are many Test, Exams and such stuff at school some project ans bla bla bla. Thats one side that sucks cause i'd really like to enjoy World of WarCraft Final European Beta... got a key for it and haven't palyed for a week now...
Thats hmmm my thing ok all in all everything i tell here is just my fucking stupid problems.
That school things i don't know somehow there are only 2 possibilitys how i get through them 1. I get troght them 2. I totally screw up (Math is the best example for that) Somehow i don't know i dont really learn anything somehow i currently find school a really disapointing place that dosent teach me anything. This thougths about my Grades and so keep going around in my head because this year i have to do a internship for 8 Weeks (3 Summer Holiday Weeks are wasted -.-).
If this were the only Problem i think it wouldn't be that depressing but theres more. I realized i'm just a fucking loosing outsider nobody cares about i'm just there see others laughing making meetings after school. I wouldn't be noticed if i wasnt there anymore nobody would ask if i just disapear: Hey where's Seth?
This is somewhat hard for me cause i really tought that i somehow was accepted by at least on "group" in my Class... seems i was wrong and on top of this fucking bad feeling there are still this thoughts about my dad how he's living now and that i finally should meet him to ask him for some money for me and my mom.
The Current thought getting from time to time in my head is: If you would step out of the Bus walk to the Bridge in the Middle of the Town and Jump down there right onto the road under the Bridge, noone would call an Ambulance in case that i would get trough that without dying. I would just lie there rotting away till nothing is left there and noone would recognize that i'm gone. There's only the slight chance that my mom would recgonize maybe trough the electricity bills at the end of the month or so -.- |
psychomessiahs
January 26th 2005, 17:52:01
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| Fuck Society. Fuck all those bastards. I donÂ't know you, but if you worry about those things, you must be quite Ok. If others dont see this, forget about them. I, myself, am nearly in the same situation. In my school IÂ'm laughed, feared, misunderstood and outcasted. First I had a big Problem with that, but if you are honest to yourself, you have to see that you donÂ't want this fucking idiots to like you. I wouldnÂ't like to have such friends. Keep up and donÂ't jump, because IÂ'm sure someone would find you, so donÂ't try it. |
Seth275
January 26th 2005, 18:13:10
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Don't Worry i won't just and why? Because i'm to afraid of death even if i have sometimes scary thoughts about how to die and hmmmm they have much detail  ;;
I'm going through this "outsider" situation for nearly 11 years ; the only fact that changed is that now i'm the first time completly "alone" or at least i feel like that :/
The thing is i'm standing there talking with the people and suddenly they ask each other hey what about getting drunk tomorrow you know i've got birthday etc. so how about tomorrow? Then the ppl around get asked one after another the only one thats left out is me.
I don't know why i just don't understand what i'm doing wrong so nobody invits me anywhere and thats what bothers me so hard. If i would know: hey they don't like me i think i would be fine. But if they wouldn't like me i don't think we would talk so much at school (most of the time about school related things but at least we talk). |
muddasheep
January 26th 2005, 20:42:49
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ey what about getting drunk tomorrow you know i've got birthday etc.
that sounds like it's not a bad idea NOT to go with them anyway 
don't let society mess you up, they're all a bunch of narrow minded drones.. think about it: if a society produces people like us, there must be something wrong with it |
Insidious_nOOb
January 27th 2005, 09:05:03
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Muddasheep you are completely right.
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psychomessiahs
muddasheep
Insidious_nOOb
