PHQ-Nickname:
Seth275
Halfquake:
Seth Galaxy Corp.
Level:
21
Total kills:
614,025
Birthday:
November 20th 1986
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| Mood: | neutral |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | January 04th 2006, 08:09:59 |
| Visits: | 1355 |
| Series: | [ Thoughts about (My) Life ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
Just some thoughts or something like that. |
Hi there I just wanted to tell you something i recognized latly about my self. Please tell me if you ever experienced the same.
Over the last monthes I've recognized some hmm "development". It's hard to describe but it's like I'm getting more distant from myself. You know you are doing something and you think "Oh interesting I'm doing this" or you say something and just think "No, No I did it all wrong again". It's really wicked or stuff like "oh fuck you've just wasted another 5 Minutes with a stupid Game" and such thoughts are getting strong.
On the other Side I feel like I'm getting weeker or something like that. It's not so easy but it's like hmm damn weeker is the wrong word :/ hmmm confused would suit it better. I'm getting more and more confused about my life and what I'm doing it's like I don't know what I should do and everything could be the last thing in that direction. On the other hand I'm getting a hang of thinking "ah fuck it just another fucking stupid mistake, you probably deserved it anyway".
So yeha about that "distant view of yourself" i'd like to know if you know smilary things. I'm off know, today it's checked if I've got to get into military service. I'll tell you if I get the result :/
P.S. Sorry if I confused you or if my post dosen't make sense (to you).
*edit*
This is hard to write down because I'm so fucking angry right now!
Yeha anyway I start to feel like that some dues I know online are right, that I'm an Emo-Kid and yeha one person can't stop telling me (though he's joking... at least I think) that I just can't be happy the urhm "hang of being how I am" ... He's german and says "Seth hat die Lust zur Unlust" maybe someone knows a better translation. |
smilejb
January 06th 2006, 23:32:59
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Well, how old are you? I would like to say maybe your experiencing changes that you really don't want so you are using the coping strategy of distancing yourself. (Sorry, I only skim read this too). But of course, this couldn't be the problem unless your somewhere between highschool and just starting college. Or of course a mid life crisis.
Its pretty early for me, so, um, I guess I'll continue with this later. |
Seth275
January 07th 2006, 18:01:29
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| I truned 19 last year. |
smilejb
January 08th 2006, 00:21:16
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I just noticed the edit in your first thing. Sorry, I don't know any german.
So, did you get accepted into the military? Maybe you just don't know what your plans in life are? In case you want to know if you can disregard my information, I'm only 18. A year younger then you. So obviously, I still don't know much, or probably atleast not enough to help in any major way. But hey, I'm doing what I can.
Now to use examples of my life, I actually don't know what I'm doing. I'm in college and so far, I still don't know what my ideal career is. I've studied some psychology, web page design, flash, and thinking about studying to get into nursing. (don't laugh, I only chose that because being a doctor takes much more years).
And yea, I'm probably distancing myself from life because I don't know what I want. I'll admit, the nursing reason, is not a very good reason. And I studied all those other things for other not so good reasons. Now the reason I'm telling you this is to show you that I can find problems with my life. Now you can too.
But in order to change things, I'm sorry but thats something only you can do. I personally don't like the thought of being in the military, but if you think it will help you, then go for it. Its one way to know your future. And as I understand, there are other perks. (never looked into them because like I said, I don't like the military).
Sorry again, all my thoughts are jumbled, but thats just me. And As I said, you can disregard this whole thing.
Oh, one more thing. Just read my last post, would you like to know some other coping strategys? |
Seth275
January 08th 2006, 18:35:54
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The Thing with the miliary... It's a thing you have to chose over here  you can to "civil service" (help older people etc.) or go into military service both for a limited period of time the "civil serivce" time is longer military service only lasts urhm I think 9 months and I didn't got accepted till now ... They haven't told me yet.
About my ideal carrer I'd really like to be a programmer :] so I'm working towards that goal.
And you're right only I can to something about the problems I'm having. But that's something "far" (though it's not as far as I'd like it to be) away, the problem i'm currently having are somewhat wicked and together with the confused state of my mind I just fell like I can't do anything. That what really bothers me the fact that it seems that I can't do anything about my Problems. I mean sometimes I really try but if I do so things just seem to get worse. This are the points where I sometimes just sit down and think "kay u messed it up again u know what live? fuck you i don't want ya anymore!"
And about the coping strategys you're welcome 
Note: If some "random" person is reading this. I know I should be talking with u but as u might know our realtion isn't that good at the moment. At the same time I feel like that if I'd talk about this things with u this should be something done person to person and I think you'd really dislike it if I'd call u up at 2 o'clock in the morning right? Besides the fact that I know that it would be hard for me to even get the courage to talk person to person. |
smilejb
January 09th 2006, 09:41:09
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Hmm, well I don't know what to think about that little note at the bottom, but I'm guessing some one you know might be reading this also.
Now, you said "That what really bothers me the fact that it seems that I can't do anything about my Problems." I notice you used the word "seems". Now, this means you actually know there is a way to fix everything. I hope you can do some searching and find a way to come back to yourself. And find ways to be less confused about things.
Also, trying to think positive couldn't hurt.
Now, the coping strategys, from memory (which is usually really bad), there is the just deal with it way. Distancing. Confrontive, planful problem solving, avoidance, seeking social support, denial, and positive reapraisal. (alright, I cheated, I looked up some of them). Tell me which ones you want to learn more about, if any. Or you can look them up yourself. I just want to say that avoidance and denial aren't the best ones. |
Seth275
January 09th 2006, 16:50:46
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About the bottom note, yeha it is someone I know and I just don't want to give a name or a gender.
You're right at least for some of my "Problems" I think I know what I should try to solve them but (because those are most of the time the Problems I really "fear") I'm really afraid of what could happen if things don't go smothly  So it's not so easy to get myself up and do something.
The positiv thinking is definitly something I should try and tried before but somehow I often end up with my bad behaviour of seeing the bad sides of things before anything else. I don't know why it's like that but yeha that's how it is. Though I probably should give it a try again :/
The coping strategys sound interesting but I think I should look them up for myself if I'm in the mood for it. But I would really thank you if you could give me some hints where to search for it if you've got any weblinks.
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smilejb
January 10th 2006, 04:58:55
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Yea, most problems in life are never easy to solve. To do something where I'm afraid of what might happen, well lets just say I go strait into it this way I can't think of what could happen. (When I was little, I noticed thinking about a bellyflop before doing one is never good, thats when you chicken out. So now I use that for other situations).
The positive thinking, well its not for everyone. Though, I'm half guilty of the same thing, sorta. Don't feel like talking about myself anymore so yea, not for everyone.
As for coping, well I studied them from a book. I don't know where online it would be, but I would imagine it not so hard to find. Some are pretty obvious though. Confrontive is facing head on, planful is planning, seeking social support, basically asking others, and the positive is basically thinking positive. |
Seth275
January 10th 2006, 16:41:02
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So yeha, I'm giving a huge huge Tank You to you and I'm thankful for this great conversation if you can call it like that
So Yeha 10 times Thanks to you
Hope I can soon overcome my own fears and stuff and start living  So yeha Thanks |
smilejb
January 10th 2006, 22:46:11
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Yay, your giving me a huge Tank . J/k. Your welcome. And I would call it a conversation, just sort of weird because I know I had to think alot.
Good luck with your fears and stuff, and I hope that through my constant state of mind and jumpled words, I was able to help somehow. |
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smilejb
