PHQ-Nickname:
LordAsriel
Halfquake:
Garbage Fort
Level:
17
Total kills:
378,946
Birthday:
May 20th 1991
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| Mood: | dead |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | April 03rd 2006, 22:03:51 |
| Visits: | 1417 |
| Series: | [ The Less ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
Almost a year ago, I wrote in the middle of a depressive shock the text called Useless. Over a similar thread I've written something a bit more cold-minded and more serious.
This is... Senseless. |
My life is a nutshell, filled with the warmth of my temporal societies and left empty in my loneliness. I have no purpose nor reasons for living, and even less for dying. Religions and other spiritualities are less than mist in emptiness, illusions meant to glad my mind's sensitiveness, but unbearable to the reason. On the other hand, reasonable purposes are so ephemeral than, although being solid enough as to step above them, the stretch, mortal limits of our existence prevent every intent of reaching significance through them. Our personal experience is insignificant; our respective societies are insignificant; the history of Mankind as the World as a whole may be significant, I couldn't say, but unless I develope some incredible geniality, my life will be condemned to oblivion. And then Mankind could be a senseless try, as well as Universe itself. God's throne's empty, and I wouldn't nor can't be happy, more than that, I wouldn't be complete, without taking over it. If He appears to be sitting up there, an omnipotence past any doubts, I shall search in Him inmortality past any limits; else war, far beyond hopes but that of final, definitive, total destruction with no return to conscience. If condemned to eternal sufferings, the Almighty shall avoid any racionality on my side or still I will act against His monarchy.
But enough of Religion. These have been most spiritual guesses upon unconsistent bases. We have no signs (can't even talk of proofs) of inmortality or afterlife, and no hopes for ever getting some.This life, as senseless it might be, came to me. Now I shall squeeze it the most through strucks of hopes until the day I'll leave for good. This way at least I'd feel I've done everything in my hands to make myself survive for as many years as possible past my physical death.
Dying before time would be cowardy, going mad would be pathetic. Living, as senseless as any other choice, is a much bigger shadow of attitudes, and I'll try to give mine at least honor, perhaps glory.
Still... >_> |
Insidious_nOOb
April 03rd 2006, 23:14:49
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You shouldn't be so depressed. Just think of how many people might have it worse off than you and it will start to have meaning.If you keep thinking thoughts like that you could instead direct them into hurting someone other than yourself.I dont know what made you feel that way but you maybe should try making whoever did it too you feel at least a small part of your pain.Try embarrasment in a public place , that always makes me feel good!  Hope you feel better by the end.  |
LordAsriel
April 04th 2006, 19:08:39
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If it were that easy to blame a person... :
Every person I know has a quote of guilt, and still I wouldn't make them any harm. I can think what I think thanks to those previous experiences.
Embarassment in a public place would make me feel good, and it does, but it's just another warmth filling my mind for a limited period of time.
I shall indeed feel better by the end.
Thanks for the comment,  |
Seth275
April 04th 2006, 22:18:32
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Dunno about this embarrasment things and stuff... I never felt like doing anything to someone I had a "good" relationship before even if they betrayed me and stuff :/ Sometimes - while I was somwhere between first to 10th Grade in School - I've tried to blame people, make them feel bad, even punched them! Nothing helped it didn't gave anything to me :/ and if I tried to do something to someone I had a "good" relationship before ... I always ended up feeling even worse.
I just can't understand why people behave like that I'm kinda sick of it ... I just can't get it why people just can't be friends, at least it seems that way for me.
And about the religion thing... Dunno I don't belive in God and if there is something like beeing reborn I hope I get reborn as a "Sloth" (Faultier  ) and somehow as more as I think about how my life is going and stuff I think IF there is someone up there he has for some reason a grudge against me :/ but miserably fails at killing me or stuff
Sorry I think I'm somewhat offtopic... anyway ... blah ... |
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Insidious_nOOb
Seth275
