PHQ-Nickname:
Wolfsbane
Halfquake:
The Chamber
Level:
1
Total kills:
64
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| Mood: | depressive |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | October 23rd 2003, 03:22:14 |
| Visits: | 1388 |
| Series: | [ Lucius' Journal ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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She's gone. Forever gone. I will not request her back this time, that would be too much pain for her. I will not ask her back. I cannot do that to her.
I hate this. I hate Amy. I hate her with all my heart, Amy. I hate Amy just because she should have done...SOMETHING. God damn it. I know, she would not have been able to do a fucking thing. But this hurts.
I gave her my heart. I gave her my love, my emotion. The Living Dead Girl. Now she is dead forever. Never to return. Oh my non-existant god. I gave her all that I had in me to give. What is the point of living now? Amy can shield herself of her emotions that haunt her now. She has Rick to help. But she does not need me.
I can leave right? She doesn't need me right? All I am is just another burden.
But can I trust the new Damien? Can I trust him? I do not know. I would like to stay around to help her if needed, but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can bear it. Though I will not tell Amy of this, I need to tell someone. I cannot tell Rick, for he will feel unbearable guilt. But it hurts.
Is there even a point? Was there a point in caring? She died anyways. She just...died. Oh I hope she wasn't alone. I would hate to be alone, but I know I will be, so I will go quietly when I die. I will make it quiet and no matter how lonely, I will not ask for company. But what to do?
There's still the major quarrell in her mind and its hurting her, and I can't leave her with that. That is one thing she cannot handle on her own. She needs someone for that. I will not let a counsellor touch this mind! I will help her battle this. But, whats the point?
As my strength weakens, I sit here. I get to think. My love, my love, she died, she went away. She will not return. Oh...no...no...no. This hurts. I was asleep the last time, asleep and locked up. Amy could not get to me. But this time, I was right under the surface. And this hurts.
Last time, Amy and Rick made her come back. But not this time. It hurt last time, but this time, I know she is gone, and it is more than devistating. I just want to...go to sleep, and never wake. That would be nice. But, I hardly have enough strength left in me. She has plenty.
To Amy: FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING BITCH! FUCK YOU! FUCK OFF! YOU, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP? YOU COULD HAVE! YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE! YOU SHOULD HAVE HELPED, YOU WOULDN'T LET ME OUT! AHHHHHHH! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
I'm done for now. I can't really keep up with anything. I can hardly function. *sigh* Whats the point of living if I gave my heart away, and the one I gave it to died? I couldn't even be there for her. She died alone! Without comfort!
Goodbye to Rikki. I know she will never read this, but if she could, she would know. She would know, that I truly love her. Yes, the alter-ego can love. *sigh* It can love, and it does. I will love Rikki until I come to my own horrid demise. And until this demise, I will sit and think, for that is all I can do. Think. But I must also protect the ones that I care for that I have left. Amy needs my protection, and Rick, I just want to protect him so I can help him. I must be off, so I can think of her, and all that I know of her.
My love is gone.
Lucius |
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