PHQ-Nickname:
Legion
Halfquake:
The Asylum
Level:
10
Total kills:
60,346
Birthday:
June 22nd 1984
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Well folks...I'm here in my basement...its 3:50PM...Woke up two hours ago and my awareness of my existance began.
One of my sister's friends, Rachel, decided to wake me up with a harsh scream and then proceeded to walk away with a satisfied grin. I rose to my feet after my daily rituals. Put on a few things to wear...and then slumpped into the chair I am in now.
I've been very jet set to find myself employment so I could begin making money so I could go places and do things on my own. Alas, my employment doesn't start for at least two more weeks so I must once again sit by my lonesome and hope things change.
I remember back in May of 2003 I used to do this every single weekend....even when I did have a job and money, except my friend Greg was around so I could walk to his place across from where I worked. It was good times being able to punch my clock and just play mortal kombat: Deadly Alliance and kick his ass using my favorite character, Frost. Although...I do remember when I wanted to hang out with him...or anyone else on the weekends...
Carrie was too busy going to clubs with some new hot girl/guy or getting herself wasted for the night...
Dave, always the working man...or he was going to concerts...or was out buying a new action figure like the brand new Optimus Prime which I so want...lucky bastard lol...
Jon...always with some new girl or on some new drug, unable to spare a few moments until all of that collapsed on him...then he'd have all the time in the world for me...
Greg...always a new girl...always a new bottle of booze, a new but outdated party....him waking up without any recollection of the night before...and the ensuing depression...never wanting to drink and smoke...I was never really invited much anywhere.
It all changed two weeks into June...a fateful day of Wensday. And I never had to worry ever again about being alone on the weekend. All I have is smiles from those memories.
I found something which I'll post...its something I wrote in my hand written journal...I might as well put it here...
You know what? I don't know...I'm writing all of this because this is how I feel...just alone right now...
But I know its for the right reasons though. Its why I'm okay with it. All the other times I was alone...I didn't understand WHY I was alone...I didn't understand the events that lead up to it...but I understand this time...And I'm okay with it. *sigh* I tried telling my friend Carrie this, and she at first thought I was trying to gain sympathy from others by talking about it...but said it would be easily remedied with E and a night at the local gay club.
No thanks, Carrie.
My mother over heard me on the phone...and gave me a hug and said she would always be there. I broke into tears and held her back.
I don't understand why I have this need to just...have someone around...and it sucks because I want to be able to fend for myself...I was alone for 16 years of my life and then some...why can't I do it now? All I have to do is wait...just wait and the person I am waiting for will be back...why is it so hard for me to wait?
My mom said, "When your in love, its hard to be alone. You like being surrounded by people. Its why sometimes you buy things that remind you of that person. Just because its nice to have them around...and its why you get married so you'll always be with that person." She began to cry too.
She's still in love with my father and won't admit it...its hard to see her like that..although I'm glad she sees Ken as often as she does...I care very much for her and only want to see her happy...I guess there is one thing that is good about me spending more time to myself somewhat...means I can take care of everyone in the family and with this job I'll be able to do it financially too.
*sigh* I just hope soon enough I can resume what Amy and I started 8-9 months ago. She has alot on her mind and I can only hope it gets better for her. She doesn't know it but I pray for her to the fates that her situation will improve almost everyday. Thankfully...she knows in her heart I'm always here for her.
Legion |
March 07th 2004, 03:20:46
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Of course I know that you're there/here for me. I know I'm not talking with you much, but you do know I'm still here. I haven't forgotten you, I won't forget. All I have are memories right now. Memories to cling on to. Memories of love and happiness. Memories from you my dear. Memories from June through February. I wish you knew the memories that I can hold, I can see it all happening. It's like time never moved. I miss that. If you want to e-mail me sometime...feel free. I'll do my best at responding.
~A |
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