PHQ-Nickname:
Legion
Halfquake:
The Asylum
Level:
10
Total kills:
60,346
Birthday:
June 22nd 1984
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| Everyone says I've changed Is that good or bad? |
| Mood: | neutral |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | April 01st 2004, 21:40:21 |
| Visits: | 1307 |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
What brought about this out of nowhere journal entry is a friend of mine far away who gave me a call trying to prove to me I have changed dramatically since her and I first spoke. She brought up some interesting points which I could not deny...but I was doubtful of the other points until a few things happened the following day. |
My friend told me on the phone yesterday that originally my song was Don't Let Me Get Me...the main chorus going...
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror,
I can't stand the person staring back at me,
I'm a hazard to myself, don't let me get me,
I'm my own worst enemy,
So Irritating, don't wanna be my friend no more,
I want to be somebody else...
(That and Papercut by Linkin Park...specifically the line "Paranoia is all I got left.") But...now the song I can relate to mostly is...
Somewhere I belong...Specifically the lines...
"I WILL NEVER KNOW MYSELF UNTIL I DO THIS ON MY OWN AND I WILL NEVER FEEL ANYTHING ELSE UNTIL MY WOUNDS ARE HEALED! I WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING UNTIL I BREAK AWAY FROM ME, I WILL BREAK AWAY I WILL FIND MYSELF TODAY...I WANT TO HEAL!"
Almost everyone that means something to me says I'm different now ever since Rikki died. At first I really didn't think that was true at all...but I felt something inside of me. It was just this need to make things right in my life...and then it happened. I have a new job...I'm getting a new car...a few of my friends who didn't speak to me back then are speaking to me now...and my family thinks I'm growing up...its pretty cool...but I don't know...it wasn't until yesterday that I believed any of that...I went out with my friend Dave and we got applications to many places...we would of grabbed more but upon entering Barnes And Nobles...we emerged an hour and a half later with his copy of Rebirth and my copy of Battle Angel Alita and Raganok...lol...but anyway...I filled out each application one by one...and devoted myself to it...then after a 9 round wrestling/kung-fu/whatever free for all versus Dave, I sat down and learned how to use a joystick on a PS2 console...it was interesting. My devotion to my job hunting was just the beginning...
Later on I greeted an old friend of mine who on any other day wouldn't want anything to do with me...and had a conversation with her which lasted almost 4 hours straight. She was amazed I had changed so much within the last couple of years...and I was amazed about her changes too. I told her how proud I was to see she had a bf, going to college, still drawing, having a job, etc...it was wicked cool. She even asked if I wanted to hang with her today for an hour or so and I was like...whatever. Eh...probably won't go...too much of a long walk. Anyways...but that is what finally convinced me. The one person who wouldn't dare speak with me unless I dropped the superiority complex and grew up a little (Yes...I used to act superior to everyone because my school was making life hell for me at the time...and ironically the person who caused all of this is whom I speak of)...but...anyway...Its cool...I guess to be grown up...to start understanding concepts that I never understood before...to get jokes which I didn't get before...to catch on quicker than before...and lastly to know when and when not to care.
This is all inspired by the one I love. I did this for myself and I did this for her...and I intend to prove to the world I'm no longer who I used to be.
Sincerely,
Legion |
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