PHQ-Nickname:
Wolfsbane
Halfquake:
The Chamber
Level:
1
Total kills:
64
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| Mood: | depressive |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | August 07th 2003, 19:20:03 |
| Visits: | 1399 |
| Series: | [ Amy's Journals... ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Description:
this will be written in a very scattered way...just as a warning |
Its funny how my mind is working right now. I am thinking of my current situation, and I am thinking of the possible ways it can turn out. For me this seems like a life or death situation.
Well, to give a background on the situation, my dad got drunk again last night, like he does every night. Well, my sister and I were talking and my dad decided to think that we were fighting. My darling Rick (Legion), was there to witness this all. I feel extreme sorrow that he had to witness it. But what happened was my dad picked a fight with my sister and was saying how he rules this house, and how there is never any fighting or screaming. Now, he was saying this very loudly, as if trying to talk over Rick and myself. The thing is, we were completely silent, and minding our own business. Well, my father was drunk off of his ass and ready to pick a fight. I told my sweet Rick to leave for the night and to go home. As we were at his car, he picked a fight with my other sister, asking her why she didn't go with him and my mother that morning to see my cousin off (My cousin is going to Cuba for one year). Well, that was crossing a thin line. I was outside with Rick by this time, and I heard my parents yelling and my sister yelling. I gave my love a kiss and told him to go home. This he did. When I got inside, my father was finishing his fight and going to bed. Well, after a little while, the cops showed up at the front door. They heard that there was a disturbance and wanted to see if everything was ok. But the thing was, they asked for me. Well, that just pissed my mother off. She now thinks that my dear sweet Rick called the cops. He has told me that he himself had not done it. And I will believe him. But I want to know how the cops had my name.
I don't know what the hell is going on anymore. I am way too confused and way too pissed.
Well, my mother is now thoroughly pissed at ME because the cops came to the door. She has already assumed that my Rick called them, and even though I told her that he did not, she will not listen. Now she is very angry, and she never wants him to come back to this house again. Well, this is just not good. You see, I am a very naturally angry person, and I DO NOT appreciate what my mother is doing. She wants to separate me from him just becasue it will make her diseased life easier. Now, this is where I am mad. My whole life, my family has never been there for me, but when it comes to a relationship, they will step in and end it immediately. They have NEVER been there when I needed them the most. When I lost my friends, when my uncle died, when my dog died, when we had to move...etc. This is why I am pissed, they were never there for those times, though I was there for them, to provide comfort. And now they despise me for it and make my life shit for it. I can honestly say that if my mother does call DCYF for me to tell what happened, I will tell them everything, and without fear. I want to get out of this house. I really NEED to get out of this house. If she does call DCYF on me, I will tell the following about how they:
smoke pot
how my father drinks every night
how I never feel safe at home
how I hate to bring friends to my home in fear of their safety
how my mother is always making fun of me for things I do
how nothing is ever good enough
how my mother drinks during the weekends and makes fun of me
how they always make me feel bad
how i feel insecure in this house hold
how i can't live here because my mother always puts me down
and there are many more things i can tell. I know that I can expose them in an instant. I know this with all of my heart. This is where I am really angry. I have been my happiest with my dear sweet Rick for the past...well...almost two months. And, for some reason, my happiness and well being means nothing to them. They will stop at nothing to split us apart, and let them try. I will find ways around her stupid rules, rules saying he cannot come near the house. Oh yes, I can walk down the road and meet him at the park or at a store if I want to be with him. Oh, how childish she is, especially when the family name is in jeopardy. Ha! She is pissed because now the house is labeled with domestic violence or some shit like that. She does not care that my father's drinking problem is literally killing me. The things that they both say when they are drunk. I was a mistake, I wasn't meant to be. Yes, I know that the only reason I am even on this earth is because on my father's birthday my sister did not want to go and see the fireworks. I know that my parents made up for not seeing the fireworks by having sex and in doing so, they created me. Now they hate me. Now they want me dead. Well, if they take my sweet Rick away from me, they will get their wishes. They will find me some morning or night dead in my room with the knife in my hands and a note telling them just why I did what I did. I know they will not be happy until I slit my wrists and just die.
Well, this is the life and death situation. It goes as follows, if they split us up, I will have no will anymore. I really won't. I hope no one will inform them of this, for if anyone does, it will ruin my pathetic life even further. Well, I must be off for now.
Rick, I love you with all of my heart.
~Amy |
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