PHQ-Nickname:
Wolfsbane
Halfquake:
The Chamber
Level:
1
Total kills:
64
Birthday:
00th 0000
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| 8-26-03 STONED FAMILY...Crack Influenced Book |
| Mood: | apocalyptic |
| Type: | Diary entry |
| Added: | August 27th 2003, 06:45:03 |
| Visits: | 1325 |
| Series: | [ Amy's Journals... ] |
| Rating: | Not rated yet. |
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Well, here's whats up. Um, I fell asleep today with my dear sweet Rick. It was so comforting and fun. We were both REALLY tired from earlier experiences. Well, that was the majority of my day...that and crying about how much frustration I have, how much I love my dear, sweet Rick, and many other things. I had not been able to cry for such a long time...I just never could.
Well, lately its taken severe emotion to even get me to want to cry. I don't quite know why, but I couldn't cry for just so long. Well, I know why I used to refuse to...it was because my father always wanted a little boy, I used to want to be a boy for him. He thought it was weak for a little boy to cry, and I wanted to be a boy, so I wouldn't cry. Now I can honestly regret not crying when I needed to.
Well, on the subject of my father. He says I'm worthless, he says I'm nothing, he says I'll never be anything, he is the biggest ASSHOLE that I know. He has said such evil and cruel things to me. That I was a mistake, I was only born because he and my mum didn't get to go see the fireworks. But, I know what happened will never be reversible. Oh well, thats another reason I'm getting out of here for good. If I'm not on PHQ for a little while, you will all know why. I'm leaving this stupid house where no one cares. I know that it might seem self-righteous, but I have to get out of here. I have to get away from the abuse, the hate. I need to go where I will be loved, and I know just the place. I'm not sure when I will be leaving for a temporary time, but I will try to post it before hand, and if I do not, I will ask Legion or LDG to do it for me.
Speaking of family, my sisters just got stoned. I did not, but I was in the same room as them. I want to smoke really really bad right now. But, I'm not going to. I am resisting the temptation. They ask me why I won't smoke, and I tell them its because I made a promise to Rick. They just tell me that he never has to know. But, if I did smoke, I would feel incredibly guilty, because he has turned down offers too. I hope he can be proud that this time I just flat out said "NO" when they asked me. Well, how the hell can I live in a house where my own mother incourages drinking alcohol and smoking a mind altering substance (pot/weed/marijuana)? Now really...I can't...
Rick, my sweet, my love, my everything, I love you with all my heart and I need to get out of here, you know I do. Please stay with me the whole time, or I will falter and lead to my own demise. You know what I mean, even though I promised you, if you left and I left here, I wouldn't have the necessary strength to live. I wouldn't do it myself on purpose, I just wouldn't take care of myself and would eventually wear away into nothing. Yeah, I know, this isn't very positive, but shit happens. I love you babes.
LDG, hey babe. Don't leave me. Stay with me for as long as you can. If you leave, I don't know if I will be able to handle any of this. You and Rick are my strength. I love you both with all of my heart. I really do. I miss you, when you come back after your few day break, I think I'll need to at least talk with you. I love you...I miss you.
~Amy |
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