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We're Being Blackmailed
By muddasheep, July 10th 2008, 15:44:59

Dear sadists,

apparently somebody broke into our underground base and spread some kind of toxic gas through the ventilation shafts. There's no need to worry, as it's not exactly life threatening. However, it's got a significant impact on our ability to convey and experience emotions. And here comes the "fun" part: I tried a dice roll this morning, but I was paralyzed instantly. Then looking around in my office I found a dead victim in a dark corner with a note pinned with a dagger into its back. The note read as follows:

"AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHA! HA! BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Next to the note I found another dagger pierced into the victim's flesh with another piece of paper (which I tried to find amusing, but I couldn't, thus I wanted to be frustrated, but that didn't work either, then my brain reacted with confusion, which was blocked off again). This sheet held some kind of price list and bank account information (and a few drops of the victim's blood). Apparently, there is a cure for each emotion, and we have to send money to the account provided. Believe me, I'd rather send a few assassins to whoever did this instead of the money, but I just can't feel mad about it. Besides, we've got a lot of enemies, most of them probably capable of doing things like that. It would take ages to track the guilty one down. Thus I thought the easiest way to get it over with is to just pay the price, get the antidotes and return to our daily routines (killing and more killing).

Admittedly some of those prices appear to be insane, but since I don't have any emotions right now, I just look at the numbers and don't feel a thing. Normally I would be angry at the very fact that this is probably part of the blackmailer's plan too, but somehow I just don't care.

I've told one of my bookkeeper slaves to convert all prices into our currency, and to create an electronic list that automatically lets you all send whatever amount you can pay. I noticed he added a restriction without my agreement, so you can only pay like five percent of one's remedy's price per earth day (but still pay for multiple remedies per day). And who knows what else he's implemented. When I'll be able to feel anger again, I'm gonna kill him for sure.

Interestingly, our little blackmailer seems to know our conversion rates, because all of those now converted values are rather suspicious. Take a look for yourself:

PHQ Link

The good news is that there were some emotions on the price list of the victim's back that haven't existed around here before. I made my bookkeeper add them to our transaction list anyway, because who knows, it might work and we're going to have more emotions to choose from when they're paid for.

Last but not least, I have no clue how the blackmailer's going to cure our emotions. Probably just spread it across the air shafts again, so we might get our emotions back the instant they're paid for.

muddasheep

View Comments (15) Search

Comments
Funnycreature (4/5)
July 10th 2008, 16:00:50
wtf
this is funny, but I have only 4,182,925 SD right now
flo (5/5)
July 10th 2008, 17:17:32
*rolls sadistically on the floor laughing his precious butt off*
Oh my oh my! I never thought that I would get a chance to get rid of my 28 Million dollars XD
flo (5/5)
July 10th 2008, 19:15:50
Alright. I donated 27,303,532 SD's. Your move!
Steltie
July 10th 2008, 21:18:12
Yeah. Spent 41 million SD xD
kowi (5/5)
July 11th 2008, 02:26:54
such a sweet cat!
Hagbard_Celine
July 11th 2008, 09:36:52
omfg. "A simple way to get rid of your money". I can't laugh, i can't cry. But maybe just because its early in the morning and i'm still sleepy. Anyway, nice story, i think i can also donate some money...
flo (5/5)
July 12th 2008, 13:10:49
And thanks for the "Tell the CV to eat whatever it can find in the inventory after the purchase". That one really saves time! :)
Funnycreature (4/5)
July 12th 2008, 14:39:40
bwahaha, brothers and sisters, one thing is remedied!
TaskBeenden (5/5)
July 12th 2008, 18:05:39
wweeeeeeeeeeeeyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this would be awesome, if I could feel something...
it's seems that this blackmailing somebody, I would call him a genius if I would have some feelings again, knows quite well what we have to pay for !
Eisinger
July 13th 2008, 02:26:28
Man, for a level 10, I saved up a lot of money from BV.
flo (5/5)
July 14th 2008, 12:15:40
I propose a new acronym: ROFIP --> Rolling On the Floor In Apathy
kowi (5/5)
July 14th 2008, 14:49:24
will we get the codes for the new smileys?
flo (5/5)
July 15th 2008, 15:31:41
I just got an entire level just for remedieing smilies xD
muddasheep
July 15th 2008, 15:45:31
-> "Show Message Codes" (;
Seth275
August 20th 2008, 16:52:18
I've been away way to long it seems. xD Anyway I donated a bit (150k) so I'm left with ~1 Million. :)

btw. did the "ADs" like the "Eat more Apples" thingy get downsinzed or something? Somehow they seem to be more blurry then they were used to. Could be a Firefox 3 "feature" though. :/

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