Personal Halfquake

Chawlee is Dead
By muddasheep, November 02nd 2008, 23:00:39

Dear sadists,

fifty percent voted for a rather gruesome and fun death. So, today I sent out a few of my slaves with a list of things to do to Chawlee - in the exact given order. I attached a camera to the head of one of them to get a live feed.

Here's what happened:

They entered the Chawlee Enterprise building on the black market (which has always kind of amazed me considering that we're underground), killing everybody on the way (a few of Chawlee's slaves - additional entertainment). They pressed the button for the elevator and waited ten minutes, killing everybody passing by. The elevator arrived, the doors slid to the sides and the slaves slaughtered five or six passengers, entered the elevator, and the one with the camera pressed the button for the top floor. Another ten minutes passed. The slaves scratched themselves out of boredom.

They reached the top floor, blew the elevator doors away, stormed out, shot Chawlee's secretary, marched into Chawlee's office and locked the massive door behind them. Chawlee was sitting behind his desk, combing his half-bald head while looking in a hand mirror. Without taking his glance off the mirror he said with a low, trembling voice: "Well, well, well, who do we have he-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence. One of the slaves shot directly in his right eye, waited until Chawlee's body fell from his chair down on the expensive carpet, then jumped on Chawlee's huge belly - and spit on his blood-covered face.

Another slave yelled something, holding the list high, probably saying: "Wait, wait, wait. Let's see what's next." Then it pointed at the slave standing on Chawlee, and commanded it to do something. The slave on Chawlee yelled indistinguishable words into Chawlee's face. Probably telling him that he sucks.

Next, another slave strolled towards Chawlee's corpse, pulled a dead rat out of its pocket, and hit Chawlee in his face with it. The rat broke Chawlee's nose. The commanding slave with the list yelled something again, and the slave still standing on Chawlee patted the baldhead.

Afterwards, another slave stepped out of the crowd, dragging a huge brown bag along with it. It made a waving gesture, indicating the slaves around Chawlee to leave. It dropped the bag, opened it and began feeding Bullet-Proof Ham and Eggs to Chawlee. It took quite a while, probably thirty minutes, until finally Chawlee's belly burst open, spreading intestines and - naturally - Bullet-Proof Ham and Eggs across the office. The slave which had fed Chawlee wiped Chawlee's stomach off its face, returned to the crowd and high-fived one of the other slaves.

Then, yet another slave stepped forward, carrying a rather heavy backpack. It put down the backpack, opened it, and produced several items, including a book, salt, and a little iron cross. It spilled the salt in a circle around Chawlee's remains, held up the cross with the left hand, and began reading a passage from the book in its right hand. (By then I noticed I've never heard Latin spoken with a slave accent.) After roughly five minutes a dark cloud erupted from Chawlee's mouth and fled through the ceiling.

The slave with the list yelled another command, and a different slave carved a hole into the wall to the right with a mighty sledgehammer, pulled a white rabbit out of its bag, and let the rabbit hop through the hole, which was big enough for everybody. All slaves followed and squeezed through, dragging Chawlee's remains along. They arrived in a long corridor with locked doors. One slave took a bottle labeled "DRINK ME" and forced the content down Chawlee's throat. Chawlee shrank a bit. Another slave found a key, with which it unlocked a door behind a curtain, revealing a beautiful garden. Four or five slaves tried to push Chawlee through the door to the garden, but his ass was simply too big.

The slave with the camera came closer to Chawlee's behind, pulled down his pants, filmed three seconds of it and said something to the leader with the list. All slaves suddenly roared with laughter.

They left Wonderland, took the elevator down, and shot at Chawlee's skyscraper with several rocket launchers. The live feed ended with the camera getting hit by debris.

Chawlee is dead. And so is Chawlee's Enterprise.

muddasheep

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Comments
GeeZeR (5/5) November 02nd 2008, 23:13:24
Fine, where can i buy the food?

flo (5/5) November 03rd 2008, 08:11:59
Exorcism on daemons is so old school. Next time give 'em: A spray can for a daemonic trap, Ruby's knife or the colt; and do it the fun way. Also eliminates the chance that the daemon flees.

TaskBeenden (4/5) November 03rd 2008, 12:30:44
see what you got from his death... revenge is blinding the truth

Spam November 03rd 2008, 15:40:04
My chosen victim is hungry

GeeZeR (5/5) November 03rd 2008, 17:10:30
let's create Chawlee's clone and control his mind!

MadHatter (5/5) November 03rd 2008, 18:20:52
Off with his head !

kowi (5/5) November 03rd 2008, 18:55:48
FOOD! I told you to send him to wonderland.. but you have to kill him!

GeeZeR (5/5) November 03rd 2008, 20:03:40
yea, it's nice to have a chance to kill somebody from pHq staff

Szaladin November 03rd 2008, 20:56:38
A most... entertaining feed. Waiting for the youtube link.

shICEpANCK November 03rd 2008, 21:46:17
if my cv dies from hunger its still worth the fun of reading the report

H4ndy November 03rd 2008, 23:19:44
if my cv dies from hunger its still worth the fun of reading the report Word!

TheNameless November 03rd 2008, 23:30:14
So the Lehman Brot... uuuhmmm I mean Chawlee's enterprise is no more. Financial (CV Food) Crisis for everyone! Hooooraaaaaaaaay!

Spam November 04th 2008, 16:00:58
We ought to steal Red Cross food packages from a third-world country...that would be the sadistic thing to do

GeeZeR (5/5) November 04th 2008, 17:47:08
System message: Your Chosen Victim is experiencing serious stomachache from the serious lack of food and appears to be actually happy about the current situation.

Szaladin November 05th 2008, 19:09:54
Somewhere the following was mentioned: Your Chosen Victim is experiencing serious stomachache from the serious lack of food CV seems to be in an acceptable state Somewhere the following was mentioned: and appears to be actually happy about the current situation. Not desired :/